Frog's House of Infinite Wisdom

Here's a chart that might help explain the roommate situation.

Disclaimer: I know the numbers don't really add up. You get the idea. Bite me.

Does Mike have a criminal record? I'll give you a minute to think about it..... Yeah, you're right. He does. He decided a couple of weeks after being pulled over and then let go after drinking all night to test his luck. Maybe he was celebrating his current employment situation. Anyway, the po-po's were in full effect this night. He wasn't let go with a warning. And now this jobless loser is trying to live off the government teet AND is burdening his parents with legal bills. Any of you guys need a roommate?

Does Mike have a job? The answer -- a resounding "NO". He couldn't hack the high stress world of the hospitality industry. Apparently, a customer called back 20 minutes after ordering her eggs benedict and carafe of OJ and he told her to "f*ck off". And he was proud to tell me about it. And a couple of weeks later, he was bragging to my brother about how he was going to collect unemployment because his supervisor was doctoring the payroll. What one has to do with the other I have no idea but in the world of Mr. Fruity Nutcake anything makes sense if you wish it so.

The Mike saga continues... Ok... so this guy keeps getting worse and worse. For a year, he was constantly late paying his share of the power bill. When I asked him the 50 billionth time about it, he asked me why I pay the bill so soon... my response? "BECAUSE THAT'S WHEN IT'S F*CKIN' DUE!?!!!" I'm telling you, his parents must have dropped him on his head as a kid.

My girlfriend just moved to a new apartment. It's tiny as heck but the good news is that we've inherited their magazine subscriptions. Maxim and Playboy. So now I can look at those magazines a) without having to sneak peeks at the local bookstore and, b) without being accused of actually wanting to purchase them by my girlfriend. It's a win-win, really. The latest issue of Playboy features Julie Anderson, who just happens to be from the University of Florida. Brandi just called to tell me that she was on a local radio station and stated on the air that she's single. Why would she want to tell me that?!

Here's some pornography to help you pass the time. Courtesy of www.fuckedcompany.com, one of the more entertaining web sites out there. Deals with companies, usually dot-coms, that go belly up due to poor structure and management. Extremely caustic... just like I like it!

You'll have to excuse my lack of updates lately. I've been working eleven hour days which includes my internship as well as helping my girlfriend move. It's SO much fun to be this tired. The Mike Story... continued... Mike decided that he wanted to practice drums one day so as he was banging away, he managed to put his elbow through a glass window. Instead of having someone fix it, he left it broken for a time and then decided to tape some cardboard where the pane once existed. Can you say "cheap" and "sorry", boys and girls?

Ok... I've been bagged on for not blogging enough. Fine. I'll write every day. I'm inspired by my soon-to-be ex-roommate, henceforth named "Mike". He's a dipshit and I feel I should chronical his misadventures. So... on to part two. Soon after Mike arrived, I began hearing rumors, like the fact that he was on ritalin and had ADD. Or ADHD. Or whatever they call it now. And he wasn't currently in school but was planning on going back. At that point, he was working at a local hotel as the "room service" guy, the one that brought the $10 bagel and carafe of orange juice to your room, always entirely too late. Well, the world of hotel food service must have been too enticing because he as of yet has not rejoined the academic world. Not that he has that capacity. He has problems even holding a coherant conversation. When you try to talk to him, his eyes dart about the room. And sometimes, he spouts off gibberish responses to statements. Ugh... When Mike moved in, we had a room devoted to music, which means it was packed with instruments and equipment, including a full drum set.

So now I'm realizing that I should have used this site as a forum for rants regarding my roommate, henceforth named "Mike". Mike is always a source of frustrating amazement. He's in his early twenties with no real goals or aims in life. I ended up with him because the previous roommate was a nutjob. We will call him "Allen". Allen was a friend of mine and my brother's but we came to realize after living with him that he was having problems with the complex chemicals that make up normal brains and their subsequent activity. Instead of seratonin, I believe his brain was coarsing with Mountain Berry Blast Kool-Aid. Anyway, there were a few warning signs, including a film class project in which the conclusion involved a pistol suicide. The defining moment was when I came home and saw him in fetal position on the pool table, the phone tucked between his ear and shoulder, sobbing lightly. He had managed to break every window in the room with a pool cue and glass was everywhere. So, this was near the end of the lease and we were to renew and needed someone to quickly take over. A friend of my brother's suggested this guy named Mike. Apparently, he was a nice pleasant church-going fellow, which pleased me because I assumed that that meant he was grounded and had moral control. Boy, was I wrong. More to follow, kids...

I know I haven't done anything with this site in a while. I'm actually contemplating a format that will be interesting enough for everyone to visit and interesting enough to keep my attention enough to submit something every day. Stay tuned...

Here's one for you! My girlfriend called me to tell me about a funny site she saw. Everytime I see a big "3" on someone's car, I shout "Number three!" in a country twang. Well, she spotted a purple truck today with Dale's big 3 that said "Racing the high banks of heaven." And that's not all. It also had a sticker that said "I'm not speeding, I'm qualifying." And this was in an S-10 pickup truck. Yeehaw!

I can't believe I haven't written since the beginning of the month! Have I been that busy? Or that lazy? Most likely, it's the latter. I just haven't had anything interesting to say and I really don't now but guilt is forcing me to post. So, the air conditioning in my house is wrecked and it's 80+ degrees here. Fortunately, I've been staying at my girlfriend's house which she likes to keep icy cold. I actually made some snow angels in her living room. Ok, not really. Damn, I feel like the humor portion of my brain is shut down. The entrance is blocked with two criss-crossed pieces of "2x4" nailed to the entrance. Closed for renovations. ugh

Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!!!!