Frog's House of Infinite Wisdom

LaDarius Halton, one of my favorite streaky players on the Gator squad, has decided to forgo his senior year and play in Europe. Hopefully, France doesn't have a team. More news as it developes...

UPDATE: Here's the link to the article that outlines his departure. Man, his high school coach sounds bitter...

Ok, I just got back from getting tuxedo measurements. My waist is ENTIRELY too large. Well, for me, that is. Granted, the girl was holding the tape a little loosely, but I'm WELL above the 30 inch waist I had when I ran track in college. Man, the pounds sure do creep up on you.

Boy, I sure am hungry. And I'm staring at a pound and a half of Chinese food concealed in styrofoam. Wafting its sweet, sweet essence my way. Evil pork lo mein! Why do you mock me?!!

I got this fortune today at lunch with my girlfriend and it creeped me out. What the hell does it mean?! What plan? I don't have a friggin' plan!?!!!

I told my girlfriend that I would post this story. So here goes.

My girlfriend and I were at a bar in the Buckhead section of Atlanta to watch the Gator game with the Atlanta Gator Club. Anyway, half way throught the game, this big guy walks up to us as she's talking to her friend. He stands next to me and faces her and strikes up a conversation as if he knew her.

"So, are you Gator fans? I almost went there. It was a last minute decision but I went to Boston College to play football because they wouldn't have played me at Florida. Blah blah blah."

So, he walked off after a bit because I was the only one that was listening to him. I asked my girlfriend if she knew him or something and she said no. I concluded that he was trying to hit on her and her response, of course, was that I was crazy.

An hour and several beers later, he was back. Here's a transcript:
Dude: Is that your girlfriend? (points at my girlfriend)
Me: Yes.
Dude: She's pretty.
Me: Thank you.
Dude: (pause) Is she Korean?
Me: Yep.
Dude: She's pretty.
Me: Yep. She's prettier than most Korean girls.
Dude: Uh huh.
Me: Ok.

He walked off again and I repeated the dialog to my girlfriend and then after a bit of prodding she finally admitted that I was right. At that very moment, I broke into an impromptu "I'm Right" dance in the bar. It's great to be right AND have a pretty Korean girlfriend.

I'm back at work now. Boy, am I tired. My sleep clock is all screwed up and I'm groggy as hell. Yaaaaaawn!

Sorry, Scott. The makers of the revulting video "Bumfights" were arrested. For setting up fights. Between bums. Hence, the title. Oh... and they grossed $5,985,000 from abusing homeless people. I suspect that their time in jail might be rather interesting...

I writing you from lovely downtown Atlanta, GA. We're staying in a great hotel, the Best Western Granada Suite. The hotel is not conventional at all, as it has an interesting architecture. Each room has it's own unique layout, which is great. I highly recommend this place as they have Manager's Hour between 5 and 7pm which includes free cocktails, beer and food! And a free full breakfast buffet every morning. I had a wonderful waffle-machine waffle this morning, a free USA Today and some decent coffee. The people that work here are incredibly nice and the manager remembered my girlfriend and I from last year's trip.

We survived the trip from North Carolina. My sister's school was, in a word, interesting. Very small. By the time we left, I felt we knew a good portion of the student body's gossip -- who to avoid, who is nice, who has slept with everyone. We also saw an interaction in the student union between a few girls and a bitchy upperclassman. Let's just say they don't like her too much.

I'll write more later since I've FINALLY figured out how to log in!

Right now I'm talking to you from the student center at Lees-McRae College in Banner Elk, North Carolina. The school was named after the legendary hunter/trapper Steve Lees-McRae after he bagged a 40 point buck. I made that up. I'm here visiting my sister, who is insane. More later.

I drove up to Knoxville on Saturday to see the Gators play against the Tennessee Volunteers. It rained like a monsoon during most of it. And I'll be the first to admit that I didn't think we'd pull it off... but we did! Fan-friggin-tastic!!!

This could be the stupidest thing I've seen in a long time... and that's saying a lot. Some dipsh*t named Karen Davis, who claims to have a PhD and who is also the president of some bullsh*t organization called the United Poultry Concerns, Inc., has sent a formal letter to the advertising company of AFLAC for the "literally or implicitly harmful situations" the duck is placed in during the airing of these commercials.

Ok. Let's pretend that I'm on a typewriter and I'm typing a letter to Ms. Davis!

Dear Ms. Davis:

I think it's important for you to realize the difference between reality and fantasy. I'd like to help. I am going to label a couple of statements to help define the two.

Fantasy: An commercial you see on TV, with the exception of the "Girls Gone Wild" spots. The duck on the AFLAC ad does NOT fall off of a cliff. The "Ty-D-Bowl" man doesn't drown in the commercial. In fact, he's not real! I know... I was surprised by that one, too! Oh... and Cap'n Crunch isn't really a captain.

Reality: You are a stupid ass who cheapens the whole IDEA of a doctorate. Please PLEASE stop watching commercials so much and stay off the crack pipe.

Sincerely,
Frog Brother.

He just asked the instructor if he was serving us small fruit. This was after he saw the next heading "Applets" in our textbook. Ah HA HA HA HA!!! You're funny, dude! Damn! You should be working the room at Chuckles Comedy Club!

And I'm pretty sure he cut the cheese earlier. Ugh. He's freaky.

Click here for info! Do it, matey! Or you'll be walking the plank! And click here for your pirate name.

A study by the Penn School of Medicine has discovered that men are more aggressive than women due to physiological differences in the brain. All that I can say is that I friggin' DARE them to say it to my face!!!!!!

That's what I thought...

The "uber-geek" was late today. Again. Man, he's odd. He didn't bring his large camping thermos today.

UPDATE: We're working on programs in class and he's humming to himself, only it sounds like monkey noises. Man, I wish I had a tape recorder.

UPDATE #2: He just said "By George, I think I've got it." In a bad fake accent. Is he insane? Should I worry?

Day two in my Java Programming class. There's a guy sitting next to me that makes all the other programmers shudder. He's "uber-geek". He keeps directing comments my way about programming and it's just awful. Even the instructor is trying to ignore him. I also noticed that he brought a LARGE bag of M&M's yesterday and was pulling out and eating only the blue ones, which is an obvious sign that he's a serial killer. Help!!

UPDATE: He's got a big thermos that he's been using to keep hydrated. It's probably filled with gin.

UPDATE #2: He's now playing Freecell. Did I mention the M&M's?

I'm in Java Programming training all this week so I won't be able to do updates until I get home or during my breaks. Sorry...

I sat through the game at Florida Field this weekend. It was miserable. And the weather was bad, too.

According to the Miami Herald, the Feds think that these three guys were playing a joke on the people in the restaurant by making terrorist claims aloud. Ha ha ha ha... ha ha... ha ha ha... that's a good one, guys! Ha ha ha... ha ha... (someone get my shovel)... ha ha ha.... ha ha.... WACK!!!

I hope to HELL these guys do time for this. Publish their names! Humiliate them! They are absolute pieces of sh*t!!!

I just listened to the tipster, Eunice Stone on the radio and I would have done EXACTLY what she did. She decided that it would have been tragic NOT to report them regardless if it was a hoax or not! Matter of fact, I would have called the police RIGHT THEM and had them detained in the restaurant! Here's another page with more information.

One of my favorite columnists, Bill Simmons, has decided to write a minute-by-minute account of Hoosiers, which goes down as the one of the greatest sports movies ever. If you ever want to reduce grown men to reserved sniffs and sobs, have them watch this movie, followed by The Natural and Rudy. That would the the Holy Trinity of Sports Movies.

In a world... where things aren't always as they seem... one man... on the edge of space... fights... for the fate... of the universe. Or something.

A tree in the North Lawn was removed today due to extensive damage by squirrels, a White House spokesman told a bored and disinterested public today. Personally, I think it's the first wave of attacks. Call the Secret Service!!!

Yes, while all the kids at the state universities are trying to figure out how to pour a beer with no foam, researchers at Harvard are creating rabbit penises in jars. Apparently, they were able to regenerate erectile tissue which they hope will be able to help restore function in old people genitals. Ew. I just dry heaved.

Squirrels and I have a history. Pretty much every day for the past three or four years, I would walk to and from my car at work and if I saw one of those little furry creatures, I would chase it. No, I don't act like a grown up. Anyway, I was only able to actually catch one ONCE as it panicked while perched atop a trash can. Fearing rabies, I quickly yanked and released the squirrel's tail. Ever since that point, the squirrels on the typical route to my car would hiss at me. It was a bit daunting because they would be up in the trees and I could hear them but spotting them was difficult. They really hated me. And I'm sure they told others in the animal kingdom about me because a little over a month ago a birth flew into me and flew off. Kamikaze mission?

The reason I mentioned this is because I came across this article that mentioned that a squirrel was responsible for the electrocution death of a power company worker. I guess what I'm saying is "be careful". The squirrels are pissed and I think it's my fault.

I may not know a lot of things, but I know that this belt goes with any outfit!

Actor Nick Nolte, star of such hits as "Down and Out in Beverly Hills" and "Dude! Where's My Whiskey?" was arrested in Malibu. The picture tells a pretty good story but if you want details, click here.

Click here to check out my terribly weak chat room. I'll be in there, trapped in suspended animation. (It requires registration... sorry!)

Twinkies, dipped in a deep fryer and put on a stick, is now being served at Puyallup Fair in Washington. Mmmmm.... fried....

Scientists from Hungary have nothing better to do than to study the creation, speed and direction of "the wave", the crowd phenomenom whereby people stand up with hands akimbo and then sit down. Yep. It's official. Humans are stupid.

A 13 year old high school freshman will finally get to play football thanks to the discovery of a gigantic helmet that would fit on his giant head!

The SMH Australian news service has put together a list of countries and how they plan to pay tribute to the Twin Tower disaster.

Everyone, I'm sure, has their own way of giving remembrance to 9-11. Today, I decided to walk to the corner of University and 13th Street, American flag in tow. I didn't pull it out for fear of being to jingoistic, but was ready to just in case any of the typical anti-war protestors decided to show up. Fortunately, they did not and so I sat at the corner as 8:46am approached.

As the official moment of silence came and went, the skies became a little darker, the faces of people driving by became a bit sadder. At least, it seemed that way to me.

Click here to remember.

I sat in a movie theater watching "Schindler's List," asked myself, "Why didn't the Jews fight back?"

Now I know why.

I sat in a movie theater, watching "Pearl Harbor" and asked myself, "Why weren't we prepared?"

Now I know why.

Civilized people cannot fathom, much less predict, the actions of evil people.

On September 11, dozens of capable airplane passengers allowed themselves to be overpowered by a handful of poorly armed terrorists because they did not comprehend the depth of hatred that motivated their captors.

On September 11, thousands of innocent people were murdered because too many Americans naively reject the reality that some nations are dedicated to the dominance of others. Many political pundits, pacifists and media personnel want us to forget the carnage. They say we must focus on the bravery of the rescuers and ignore the cowardice of the killers. They implore us to understand the motivation of the perpetrators. Major television stations have announced they will assist the healing process by not replaying devastating footage of the planes crashing into the Twin Towers.

I will not be manipulated.

I will not pretend to understand.

I will not forget.

I will not forget the liberal media who abused freedom of the press to kick our country when it was vulnerable and hurting.

I will not forget that CBS anchor Dan Rather preceded President Bush's address to the nation with the snide remark, "No matter how you feel about him, he is still our president."

I will not forget that ABC TV anchor Peter Jennings questioned President Bush's motives for not returning immediately to Washington, DC and commented, "We're all pretty skeptical and cynical about Washington."

And I will not forget that ABC's Mark Halperin warned if reporters weren't informed of every little detail of this war, they aren't "likely -- nor should they be expected -- to show deference."

I will not isolate myself from my fellow Americans by pretending an attack on the USS Cole in Yemen was not an attack on the United States of America.

I will not forget the Clinton administration equipped Islamic terrorists and their supporters with the world's most sophisticated telecommunications equipment and encryption technology, thereby compromising America's ability to trace terrorist radio, cell phone, land lines, faxes and modem communications.

I will not be appeased with pointless, quick retaliatory strikes like those perfected by the previous administration.

I will not be comforted by "feel-good, do nothing" regulations like the silly "Have your bags been under your control?" question at the airport.

I will not be influenced by so called,"antiwar demonstrators" who exploit the right of expression to chant anti-American obscenities.

I will not forget the moral victory handed the North Vietnamese by American war protesters who reviled and spat upon the returning soldiers, airmen, sailors and Marines.

I will not be softened by the wishful thinking of pacifists who chose reassurance over reality.

I will embrace the wise words of Prime Minister Tony Blair who told Labor Party conference, "They have no moral inhibition on the slaughter of the innocent. If they could have murdered not 7,000 but 70,000, does anyone doubt they would have done so and rejoiced in it?

There is no compromise possible with such people, no meeting of minds, no point of understanding with such terror. Just a choice: defeat it or be defeated by it. And defeat it we must!"

I will force myself to:
-hear the weeping
-feel the helplessness
-imagine the terror
-sense the panic
-smell the burning flesh
-experience the loss
-remember the hatred.

I sat in a movie theater, watching "Private Ryan" and asked myself, "Where did they find the courage?"

Now I know.

We have no choice. Living without liberty is not living.

Click here to pay tribute to the passing of some great Americans.

Thanks to the quick thinking of law enforcement and citizens alike, one of the lesser known criminals from the Legion of Doom is behind bars. Michael Steven Pavlich attempted to rob an Augusta convenience store with a plastic foam cooler on his head. He'll have plenty of time in jail to perfect his costume, as the clerk he was robbing was unable to hear Cooler Face's demands through the hole punched in the cooler. Aquaman was unavailable for comment.

Jamie Wing was driving when a hawk struck her car. When she freed it from the side mirror it attached itself to her arm. The self described animal lover covered the animal with a jacket and drove to a gas station and dialed 911 instead of killing the bird and waited for help to arrive.

This site gives you all the details. The strange thing is... I've been annoying my girlfriend with this for weeks! I didn't even know that there was a national holiday!

Apparently, the newsies have decided to take the low road and talk about the Iraqi President's sex life. Oh boy. A mistress has decided to risk her life and talk about his use of Viagra and love of Frank Sinatra. Whoopie friggin' do.

The sixth ranked Gators defeated the number one Miami Hurricanes at the Swamp on Saturday. In Bizarro World. Danny Wuerffel, who is allowed one NCAA game per season, threw for 637 yards. His favorite receiver, Chris Doering, scored six of the Gator's twenty seven touchdowns. Jeff Chandler also contributed with 15 points worth of field goals, the longest one at 57 yards. Emmitt Smith had a career 254 yards on the ground and also managed a 30 yard halfback pass to Jack Jackson for the upset. When asked about the victory, Frog Brother had this to say: "Please, leave me here in Bizarro World. It's much nicer here."

Note the fear and confusion of this delicate British cone.

In jolly England today, Ross Watt was arrested for having intercourse with a traffic cone. Hmm. I guess he couldn't find a pumpkin or a frozen turkey.

One of my favorite sites is Fark.com... and it's where I get a lot of my news stories from. They also have various forums where people come up with ideas and you have to create a picture with Photoshop, a digital image editing program. The subject? The Dell dude. Here's my entry:

"Click and Clack" are the hosts of Car Talk, a radio talk show specializing in solving auto repair problems. They have set up a website as a public service that I'd like everyone to check out. It's a search engine for auto mechanic reviews based on whichever Zip Code and car make of the car you need serviced. You will get lists of recommended mechanics and customer reviews of those service stations. Believe me, I've added mine to Terry's Automotive...

It's official. Team USA, after losing to Argentina in an earlier round, played Yugoslavia for a chance to win the tournament. And lost. Now, they can tuck their collective tails between their legs and sculk back to their mansions in shame.

A turkish couple in Germany have been prevented from legally naming their child "Osama bin Laden". Apparently, German law dictates that a name must "clearly identify the child's gender and must not ridicule the child or be offensive." Apparently, this is a problem in Germany.

Three cheers for the U.S. Postal Service! An eight year old sends a card to "Grama in the blue house" and they correctly delivered it! Awesome!

Read this caption, which is unedited, and ask yourself just what the HELL human rights have to do with this picture. Why was the caption necessary? Media bias, maybe? The caption reads: Recovery and debris removal work continues at the site of the World Trade Center known as "ground zero" in New York, March 25, 2002. Human rights around the world have been a casualty of the U.S. "war on terror" since September 11. REUTERS/Peter Morgan Original page is here.

Giving me one more reason to stop watching the NBA, Team USA, comprised of pro players was defeated in grand fashion by Argentina, hardly a world powerhouse. These million dollar d*ckheads showed little pride as a team whose total gross salaries are about 1/10000000th of the US team stomped a mudhole in them.

Bald Ben Affleck's toupee secret has been shockingly revealed when his hairpiece flew off at a party, according to press reports. The Pearl Harbor hunk, who is dating Latina babe Jennifer Lopez, had his secret revealed at a party when he and fellow actor Vince Vaughn started play-fighting and his carefully concealed hairpiece flew up in the air, British newspaper the Daily Star claims. A source says, "Ben was embarrassed. But he was with friends and begged them to keep his secret. He's very private when it comes to his hair loss. He hasn't even broken the news to girlfriend Jennifer Lopez yet. But his baldness has been the talk of Hollywood ever since he flipped his wig." A friend adds, "Ben's very vain. He's had close to $50,000 worth of dental caps to improve his smile."
Printed from IMDB, the Internet Movie Database
I feel bad for the guy, I really do. If I had the money, I'd damn sure get the dental caps and all that other stuff. Heck, I'd get those Bosley super plugs and go around sporting an afro if I could! Bosley Medical has that infomercial that every guy is fixated on. It's almost as bad as the one with the rotisserie by Ron Popeil. Set it and.....(you know the rest).

In Santa Ana, CA, Alvaro Alvarez was busted for marijuana possession and told the judge that he smoked because it made his basketball playing better. The judges response? He challenged him in a game of one-on-one. Did he smoke up before the game? Did the judge lose? Click here to find out!

I live and work in a college town, which offers its share of benefits and hassles. One of the worst things about it is the rash of bad driving amongst the student population. I know we're not dealing with dumb kids -- the qualifications to get into Florida are pretty stiff. But there are some simple rules that students just refuse to follow, both as drivers and pedestrians.

• Just because there is a green light doesn't mean you HAVE to go. For instance, if you're at an intersection and you can't cross and CLEAR the intersection with your car because the lane already has a car there, DON'T pull into the intersection and stop. You're not supposed to block the intersection. Odds are pretty good that the light will change and suddenly, you are holding up two lanes of traffic, all because you are an idiot. You don't want to be labeled an idiot, do you?
• If you are in the left turn lane and the light turns from yellow to red, it doesn't matter how long you've had to wait. Don't go. Not only are you breaking the law by running a red light, you are impeding traffic and could cause an accident. Rules are there for a purpose.
• A four way stop is, quite possibly, the most difficult concept for dimwits to handle. So listen up. The first person at the four way stop is the first person to go. And then it goes in order. If two people arrive at the same time, the person on the left yields to the one on the right. I've seen people get so confused that they just sit in their car and wave scores of people through. I've got news for those people: you're all dumbasses. And if you don't believe me, here's the official rule to prove it.
• And I can't stress this one enough... the left lane is for passing on the highway. Not for crusing. Not for coasting. For passing. If someone comes up behind you when you're in the passing lane, you need to move the hell over to the right lane! It's very simple but so difficult for dimwits. I just don't understand it.
• Oh! And this one bugs me, too. And it falls under the "rules of the road" catagory. If you're walking or biking across the street and the cars facing you have a green light, don't walk! Too often I see students crossing the street on their bikes or rollerblades or on foot without even noticing (or caring) that they are holding up traffic! Those people should randomly get rolled up on the hood of a car. Not to kill them but just enough to scare them so maybe the rumor might circulate that there's a rogue element out there (like me) willing to hit pedestrians who are rude and stupid.

I'm sure there are more to add to this list and I will as they come to me...

I have officially gone over 1000 unique hits on the site! Very cool...

Ok... I found this audio from NPR on the net that is really interesting, albeit long. It tells about a legendary voice message that blanketed the campus of Columbia in the early 90's and created a comic sensation. What's funny to me is that I did something similar with one of my brother's girlfriend's messages -- I recorded it into a sampler and made a song out of it! I'll have to find that sucker! Anyway, it's in RealAudio and you'll want to fast forward to the 39:00 minute spot...

Click here to sign my guestbook! Do it! I double dog dare ya!

It's worse than "American Idol". And more disturbing than "Fear Factor". It's called "Sick Day" and it involves people attempting to get as many non-lethal diseases as they can for cash prizes. And no, it's not filmed in a fraternity house. At least I don't THINK so.

Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, dear Glenn!!! Happy birthday to you!

In an attempt (I think) to avoid lawsuits by greedy lawyers, McDonalds has declared that they are cutting the fat in their french fries. Hope it doesn't affect the flavor!

I had no idea she and I had so much in common! Her new best friend is Jenna Jameson! Boy, that N*SYNC guy must have REALLY messed her up!