Frog's House of Infinite Wisdom

1) Woman assaults cookie store worker for not having white chocolate chip cookies,
2) Male strippers afraid of women's rugby team, and
3) Drunk elk attacks after all day rotten apple eating binge.

Yes, he dresses like this in public.

Oh boy. So, there's this guy who's "famous" on the internet. Why? Because he's odd as hell and he dresses like Peter Pan. Anyway, he was at a bar in Tampa while I was down there and I managed to snap a picture of him. I can't believe he dresses this way in public. Well, it IS Ybor City... I've seen worse down there!

Yes, I know. I've been crappy about updating lately. But give me a break, man! It's the holidays! I'm not around my computer that much!

Rolf Eden is a genius. He is German, 72 years old, and has created a stipulation in his will that states that if an woman is able to... how should I put this... hump him to death, the death-bringer will receive $175,000. Naturally, he gets to select who he wants to have attempt to kill him. According to him, the women must be young, attractive and healthy. Damn.

Mariah Carey has reached an all-time high. No, not with her latest album, Charmbracelet, but with her latest interview. Apparently, in her rush to get to the interview, she forgot to wear underpants and preceded to flash the interviewer a la Basic Instinct. Read about it here.

Cobbler - a - doodle - dooooo!

I love the country. I love people that live IN the country. But I especially love peach cobbler. People that make homemade cobbler are intelligent and interesting people. Also, families that have their own pet rooster are insightful, witty and cool. Thank you.

I promise to make time to post some of the more interesting "news" stories I've discovered. There are some fantastic ones out there...

Here's my first decent picture with my new camera! Well, actually, my second. The first was of my girlfriend but she wouldn't let me post that, I'm pretty sure. Check it out...



I took this outside of my office.



That is a picture of me with the WWE Tag Team Belt, which I wore outside of a very nice country club after Christmas Brunch with my family. They don't know what to make of me.

Hey everyone! Hope you're having a great Christmas day. My day so far has been, dare I say, incident free. Knock on wood. I got a wonderful digital camera from my girlfriend which will allow me to chronicle my life to the smallest detail. I'm very excited about all the different tributes to Dale Earnhardt I can photograph off of people's back car bumpers, for instance.

Happy HOLIDAYS!!! WOOOOOOO!!!

Shout out to Glenn...

Merry Christmas! Extra! Extra! Mother of one gives breast milk to starving puppies! Yuletide! Feliz Navidad! Click here!

There you go. Here's a sign our society is making a giant flushing sound. A priest accused of molestation and who payed the victim is now countersuing because of a breach of contract. Apparently, the victim was supposed to keep silent about his accusations after the payoff. The victim is claiming that the priest was not supposed to work with kids ever again but was then employed as a hospital chaplain, thereby breaking the requirement. S-C-U-M-B-A-G!

Matt Damon is screwing up the wedding of the century! According to this British tabloid, Jennifer Lopez has called off the wedding because Affleck pal, Damon has been calling her a "serial bride". Click here to see the brohaha.

Click here to access the search engine for major NCAA infractions. Be careful, though... if you put in "Florida State University" or "University of Alabama", it might blow up.

John Lee Malvo, half of the D.C. sniper duo, is now complaining that his vegetarian meal is substandard. This makes me angry. At least he GETS to eat. His victims don't get that luxury. My suggestion is that he eat lead, so to speak.

"Sorry, you're on your own."

A high school football player is accused of beating a disabled man with his own cane. And burning his beard off with a lighter. And leaving him on the side of the road. All this because he looked at his girlfriend. When asked about the incident, the Pope was quoted as saying "I'd pray for you, football player dude, but I just don't think it'd help."

This is Santa before a gastric bypass.

Saint Nick is in need of some help from a plastic surgeon. Hey, it's not my idea, it's Dr. Les Bolton's. You see, he's a plastic surgeon. And he is a f*cking idiot. Now, we're supposed to think that it's important for everyone to have surgery to improve our appearance. What's next? Breast implants for the Easter Bunny?! Enjoy this article.

Here's a brief history of toilets from the 17th century to the present day, utilizing compressed air instead of gravity. The water 2.5 gallon gravity design is SO last year.

This criminal had his shit together. In a bag. While he was trying to steal a car. Ha ha ha.

Police sketch of "Santa"

On CNN.com, I just breezed across a story involving a guy dressed as Santa that held up a pharmacy at gunpoint demanding Oxycontin. The cop claimed that they contacted the North Pole and the real Santa had an alibi. I'm not making this up. Here it is.

Just kidding. Monday sucks. Work sucks. Working overtime sucks. Having to work two jobs and working overtime both sucks. I'm putting in 60 hours a week at my two jobs. I want ONE job doing what I want that pays as much as the two jobs and is only 40 hours a week. Is that so much to ask?

Click right here and feel the fury-type behavior.

According to sources, Yngwie (pronounced "Ingvay"), the 80's big haired guitar noodler, was on a first class flight saying disparaging things about homosexuals when a fellow passenger decided to unleash her cup of water on him. Another passenger recorded his tirade afterwards, which included him saying that she had "unleashed the fury". Oh man... now you've done it. Click here to listen to said fury being unleashed. It's ok to laugh at his stupid accent. And check out his website. Notice how confused he looks? What the hell's that all about?!

This story is cool. I won't even describe it because I want you to read it. Let's just say that if this girl's cute, every guy on the planet should love and fear her.

First, there's Hanoi Jane. Now, it's Baghdad Sean. He's checking out Iraq to see how nice and friendly and weapon-free they are. Had he visited without announcing it, he might get a better perspective. But now he'll get the "star treatment" which is NOT real life in Iraq. Click here.

According to this news report, a cannibalist murderer put out a "victim want ad". Did I mention he was German? Surprised? Read this article and then think pleasant thoughts.

It's like magic. You can make about a billion different meals with it. I'm pretty sure it's what the astronauts consumed when they were out of Tang. (I'm talking about the drink, pervert.) Don't believe me? Go to the Campbell's Kitchen site and put in "Cream of Mushroom Soup" in the search engine...

My friend Jim summed it up best.

Damn right. I say, f*ck 'em all, we should have the world's tallest building, cuz the USA is the shiznittiest country in the wizzorld, know what I'm sayin'? Fo' shizzo my nizzo.

Click here to see the article. Shizzo my nizzo, indeed.

...but were afraid to ask. Right here.

I usually have something to say every day... but today I have nothing. So here I am talking about it. Wha? Never mind. I'll have some stuff for you tomorrow...

AskSnoop.com is a site that was written so that us laypersons can convert a website into "Snoopspeak"... do you understizzle?

Click here to see the one thing that could make a Miata an even gayer car.

I didn't write this, but I'll darn sure post it!

As the season winds down (except for the big upcoming thriller in the Citrus or Outback Bowl), let's pause, reflect, and give tribute to a man who gave us these wonderful memories of the University of Florida football season. I'm speaking of course, of Mr. Ed Zaunbrecher.

Thank you, Ed.

Thanks for the one touchdown against Miami.

Thanks for removing Earnest Graham from the Miami game in the first quarter after his one-man drive and spectacular touchdown run.

Thanks for the delay of game penalty ON FIRST DOWN after we blocked their punt to silence perhaps the loudest Swamp moment in history.

Thanks for going into the shotgun after the same blocked punt when we were jamming it down their throat from under center with runs and play-action.

Thanks for the 2d and 15 world-famous sloooowwww inside handoff from shotgun on the same series. (loss of two)

Thanks for introducing the "Zaunbrecher screen," where Rex spins 180 degrees in a slow-developing play with a blind throw and prays to God the defensive lineman standing there drops the interception, or our running back holds on to the ball after the inevitable paralysis hit when he catches it.

Thanks for going solely to the shotgun in the second half (we're still on Miami), and abandoning play-action when the Canes are playing two-deep with rolled up corners designed for the gun.

Thanks for introducing--and running three times for losses at critical points--the "Zaunbrecher inside pitch option" with the entire Miami defense knowing Rex ain't keeping it outside, and the running back getting creamed by three d-linemen....every time.

Thanks for the fascinating formations, such as the "stacked triple receivers," in which we put the fear of God in our opponents with every imaginable type of lateral and horizontal screen.

Thanks for rarely throwing the intermediate curl, post, or post-flag. And, a double thanks for rarely running those routes off play-action, which was one of the only things we did sucessfully all year.

Thanks for the mid-season abandonment of our tight ends, and their skinny post and seam routes.

Thanks for the (non)option in which our Heisman candidate pocket-passer is leveled by defensive ends for solid three to five yard gains.

Thanks for inserting Ingle Martin-- who is not a wide receiver-- at wide receiver, and throwing to him on critical downs, but NOT utilizing one of our blue chip freshmen receivers (who are wide receivers).

Thanks for running Ingle on the end-around (though he is not a running back) but never letting him pass off the end-around (although he IS a quarterback)

Thanks for NEVER running a fast-paced, two minute drill offense to change the tempo even though you almost ALWAYS run a no-huddle offense.

Thanks for running that sprint-to-the line full-house backfield with the quick snap, and never faking the handoff.

Thanks for NEVER using a quick snap on third and short, and RARELY using a quarterback sneak (although Rex IS a running quarterback now).

Thanks for the deeeeeep handoff in the backfield to Earnest on the failed 4th and 1 against Auburn, after a fifteen second, muscle-stiffening snap count. And tell Zook thanks for going for it when failure means Auburn needs 10 yards to kick for the win.

Thanks for the new theory of wide receiver routes where at least three receivers must arrive within seven yards of each other.

Thanks for adding to the receiver congestion with the roll-outs to cut the field in half.

Thanks for rolling behind the RIGHT side of our line behind Jorgy and two freshmen.

Thanks for the one touchdown against FSU.

Thanks for the first drive against FSU, with Grossman primarily under center mixing runs with play-actions, only to be completely abandoned for the shotgun when we got inside the red zone.

Thanks for an offense against FSU that we all knew, after one quarter, was not going to explode or even challenge the ferocious Nole defense that buckled to the high-powered attacks of Louisville and NC State.

Thanks to you and/or Zook for NOT MANAGING ONE TIME OTHER THAN THE GEORGIA GAME IN GETTING A RECEIVER OTHER THAN JACOBS OPEN ON A DEEP ROUTE (WITH THE POSSIBLE EXCEPTION OF NEBRASKA THIS MAY BE UNPRECEDENTED IN MODERN COLLEGE FOOTBALL).

Thanks to you and/or Zook for not playing any freshmen receivers, which means we now start the 2003 season with absolutely no deep-threat receivers who have played even a single down. Relatedly, thanks Zook, for the explosive kick-return combo of Carthon and Kight, a power runner and a possession receiver who can't catch kickoffs.

AND FINALLY, my favorite memory, one which occurred over and over, one which defines our offense, and one which will be stuck in my mind for eight loooong months...the fifteen to twenty yard Rex Grossman back-pedal--straight back--with three receivers all together and all covered, followed by an off-balance throw off his back foot into a crowd for a near-interception as he is smashed by a defensive lineman and driven to the ground...and those five or six seconds when we all bonded and wondered if he'd get up once again.

These are just a few of my favorite memories, all typed from the top of my head. I'm sure all of you have others that you can share. I only hope that Coach Zaunbrecher is burning the midnight oil and coming up with more schemes, more short horizontal passes, more unusual formations, and more unfathonable slow-developing plays so that we can have more beautiful memories in 2003.

It's my girlfriend's birthday today! Please feel free to post your birthday greetings to her...

Morning. Went to the Porpoise last night. Took some pictures. I'm not much of a photographer. The lighting is strange in there anyway. Very dimly lit. Anyway, I'll post 'em later...

Anyone who has attended the University of Florida between 1982 and 2002 has a memory or two from this place. You can't help it. It has a little something for everybody. There's a dirty, nasty restaurant with screen tv's in the front and a dirty, nasty sports bar with pool tables and darts in the back. The other side of the establishment has a dirty, nasty dance club/live music venue. It's perfect because if you're in the mood for eating wings and watching sports, you can. If you want to dance to really cheesy booty music, walk several paces and then start dancing. If you want to play darts and pool and otherwise get stank ass drunk, this can be done there as well. Like I said... something for everyone.

One time I was there on a slow night. Playing sports trivia and drinking beer. Well, after a while it was time to process the alcohol and I went to one of the bathrooms in the back. Well, anyway, went to the urinal to do my business and I heard a male voice coming from the only closed stall. Followed by another male voice. From the same stall. Either they didn't hear me or they did and just didn't care. Their conversation went like this:

"Hey, that's good."
"Cool."
"You wanna try this?"
"Ok." (Snort. Snort. Snoooooort.)

Because I'm not a great writer and therefore not good at painting a mental canvass with words, I'll just tell you that it sounded like they were snorting coke (or something else) in the stall. Together. Two men. In the stall. Ew.

My next step involved finding a manager. I told him that I thought someone was doing coke in the bathroom and that I don't want to see the Porpoise turn into one of "those" kind of bars. He went in there and I went back to my seat.

He came up to me later on and thanked me but didn't tell me what was going on in there. I didn't want to know, anyway.

Don't act like you don't have a Porpoise story! Post something! Sharing is good!

If these walls could talk, their speech would be slurred...

Gainesville legendary watering hole The Purple Porpoise is set to close on Thursday. Tomorrow. It's been a big tradition since 1982 for game-goers who would leave the game at half time and get completely wasted in time to enjoy the second half. All Gator fans should have their Budweiser flags flying at half mast.

Printed from IMDB.com

Jim Carrey dramatically saved Jennifer Aniston's life when he pushed her out of the way of a toppling crane on the set of new movie Bruce Almighty. The quick-thinking star sprung into action when he spotted the huge crane toppling over in high winds - and heading straight for his gorgeous co-star. An on-set source, "It was so windy, it was difficult to do the scenes. But Jennifer and Jim decided to keep going. Suddenly a gust of wind blew over a huge crane. Jennifer had her back to the crane and didn't see it coming. But thank God, Jim did - and he pushed her out of the way. Jim was a real hero. She could have been killed. It could have been a real tragedy." A relieved and shocked Aniston embraced her rubber-faced leading man after the incident, sobbing, "You saved my life. You're a real hero."

Something Awful has a great article where their readers submitted the worst gifts they've ever received. Good stuff. Take a look and then post some of your bad gifts on my forum!

A Jersey woman, after telling a telemarketer to leave her alone, was harassed by the same caller who threatened to rape her for not buying the magazines he was selling. Good job, dirtbag.

I woke up today feeling congested and dizzy. All this because I decided to go to the Florida/Florida State game and watch the Gators get their collective asses kicked. Ugh.

You have a story? Crazy relatives? Stuck at the little kids card table? Tell me...

I got to work this morning and there was a message on my phone. My dad called my cell phone a couple of times this weekend and I avoided picking it up all weekend so he decided to talk to the only captive audience he has left, my work voice mail. He was on the "good cop" side of the "good cop/bad cop" scenario... or at least he tried to be. He's still way in psycho mode so he trailed off into lunacy during his rant. He almost sounds normal, though. Almost. This voicemail is probably worth posting as well. You'll love the difference in the two messages, mainly because he's trying so hard to be nice because he knows he acted like a four year old hopped up on sugar having a temper tantrum.

My dad is crazy. No, not the comical, fun-loving "I mumble to myself and think I'm the Queen of England" kind of crazy. He's more of the "I yell and scream and threaten people" type of crazy that makes everyone nervous and uncomfortable. This Thanksgiving was no exception. For some reason, I have been designated the family intermediary, mostly because I'm the only one that will really talk to him. And I think I've finally learned my lesson.

My sister is currently attending a college (not, high school) hundreds of miles away for the express purpose of getting far from under his watchful eye and weighty thumb. He's not paying for her school and she likes it that way, I imagine, because it keeps her in control of things. He has a habit of threatening to pull the rug out from under someone, especially if the rug solely belongs to him. It's a power/control thing and he's masterful at it. Well, now that my sister's on her own, he's frantic to get some kind of control back so he's trying to get her to take her car back. I've been using the car for the time being and it's nice, new, safe and dependable. She doesn't care about it one way or the other.

This is starting to get long winded so I'll try and abridge it for you. My sister came down for the holidays and we had Thanksgiving "dinner" (which was at 1 pm) at my aunt and uncle's house. As we were leaving, my dad in his usual blustery fashion began telling me that we all needed to be at his house at 3:30 for "discussions", which meant that he wanted me to be involved in the negotiations between he and my sister regarding the car. I told him that I had to be somewhere and that any discussions regarding the car have nothing to do with me. I didn't want to get involved, and I said that to him. What was his reply, you ask? In front of my aunt, uncle, cousins and his mom?

"Don't bow up at me or I'll knock you on your ass."

See why I don't want to get involved? I told him "Whatever" and turned to my aunt as she feverishly tried to talk about something else and he stomped out of the house and left, quickly and impolitely without saying goodbye to anyone. He later called my cell phone and left another threatening message with I've kept and may post for your listening pleasure. He claimed that it would be my fault if something happened to my sister because she didn't have a safe car to ride it and "God help me" if something bad did happen. In other words, his concern is one of safety. And then I take a nice deep breath of air and shout "BULLSH*T" at the top of my lungs.

Ah, that felt good.

Now that I'm calm, I'll just respond by saying that if it was in fact a "safety issue" like he claims, there would be no "negotiations" because he'd just GIVE her the car. The truth is that he's imposing his will and wants to make sure that she tells him that he's the boss and all that other foolishness. This insanity has got to stop. This is why I have decided that I'm spending Xmas in isolation and will not be going home. Just not worth it.