Friday, January 31, 2003
Oops! I Barfed Off The Balcony!
Britney Spears, shown here crawling around on the grass after throwing up an entire "Vodka Cranberry"
My friend Jen is GREAT with the gossip. I've known her since high school and she was always the source for the final word about who's doing what with whom. Now she works in the movie industry in Los Angeles, which is perfect because she gets all the great scoops. Here's my latest IM from her:
jmc: i have a good BRitney Spears story
Frogbrother: Cool!
jmc: ok - so she is haning around with Colin Ferrill....she showed up with him at THE RECRUIT premiere....
jmc: and then my friend was at ta small show for a Irish singer (damion rice, do you know him....christi went to a show and said he was amazing....releases his own music)....anyway, Colin and Britney were in a balcony/private party area and she was so DRUNK and she threw-up and was making a scene.
jmc: classy chick!
Frogbrother: nice!
Frogbrother: Excellent.
Frogbrother: I love chicks that barf!
jmc: she was being really loud and my friend was about to go up and smack her....she was like, I don't care if it makes the tabloids!
Oh yeah, baby! She's taking a year off so she can date a bunch of guys and get drunk. That's so hot!
Thursday, January 30, 2003
Movie Review -- Shanghai Knights
My super-cool girlfriend managed to get us advanced screening tickets to "Shanghai Knights", which is cool in itself because she actually thought to do this... and to sit through a karate movie. Fortunately for me AND her, the movie was fantastic. One of the funniest movies I've seen in a while. Owen Wilson is perfectly cast as the wisecracking, sarcastic half of this action/comedy duo. Jackie Chan is his usual gravity-defying self... just amazing! If you enjoyed "Rush Hour" and the first movie in this series, "Shanghai Noon", you will LOVE this picture. Lots of fantastically choreographed fight scenes, great writing that comes dangerously close to being cheesy and predictable but doesn't cross that line. I would have to give the movie "Four and a half lily pads" out of five.
New Design Attempt -- Now Online
Ok, so the old design was boring as hell to me. Like other stars such as Madonna and famous wrestler "The Rock", I have to constantly reinvent myself. This is why I've come up with a new design. Let me know what you think. It's pretty simple right now but I'm planning big things as I am trying to teach myself some web programming and other skillz. Please leave comments to let me know what you think... or what I should add or subtract from the site.
Wednesday, January 29, 2003
All The Super Bowl Commercials!
THIS guy wants his TPS report!!!
IFILM.COM has posted all the commercials from the Super Bowl! Click here! And do yourself a favor: check out "Terry Tate, Office Linebacker". I watched it again and it's so funny, I actually teared up.
Sorry...
The update site for Blogger was down this morning until just now so I haven't been able to post. And I found some fun stuff, too, but I can't remember what it was...
Monday, January 27, 2003
If I Had My Own Band...
I would call it "Englebert Humpernow". Because that's the coolest name ever.
Celebrating Like A Bunch Of Neanderthals
Here's something I've never really understood. Why is it when a team wins a championship, the first thing the fans do is run around the streets of their hometown overturning cars, putting rocks through windows and beating up Regenald Denny again and again? Does that make sense? Would it be smarter to destroy the OTHER team's city instead? I mean, shouldn't fans from Tampa fly over to Oakland and burn shit up? If THIS was the rule, don't you think the teams would play with a little more intensity?
Actually, even better... the winning team's fans get to beat up Bon Jovi. Did you see them after the Super Bowl? What the hell was that?!!! I honestly mooned the TV when that terrible, gut-wrenching band came on.
Actually, even better... the winning team's fans get to beat up Bon Jovi. Did you see them after the Super Bowl? What the hell was that?!!! I honestly mooned the TV when that terrible, gut-wrenching band came on.
Friday, January 24, 2003
Welcome To Rock Bottom -- Population One
Smoooooke on the waaaaater! A fire in the sky-eeeee!
Zach Gallagan, the "star" of the Gremlins movies, was arrested in Los Angeles for shoplifting a "Deep Purple" cd. I'm not sure if I feel sorry for him for his impending court appearance or his horrible taste in music.
Lawmaker Proposes "Choose Death" License Plate
Now THAT'S harsh!
Florida has the "Choose Life" license plates that have that "I've been drawn by a delightful young cherub" look to them and I've always been opposed to them. I've actually given people the secret devil sign that have those tags and have always questioned why we even HAVE a government sponsored tag that obviously supports one side of the abortion issue. And the pro-choice people have had the same complaint and so this jackass legislator decided to come up with a "Choose Death" tag as a sarcastic retort.
I would get a "Choose Death" tag because it would HAVE to be cooler than the one they have for "choose life". In all seriousness, I think government should stay out of the whole affair entirely.
Weather -- Not An Exact Science or Flip Spiceland Is A Moron
I wonder if his brother's named 'Skip'?
I was on the "Weather Channel" website and it claimed a temperature of 23 degrees. It also said that it "feels like 11 degrees". What the hell does that mean? I think it feels like -12 degrees!!!
Someone PLEASE Slap Me!
You can't escape my voice! Don't even try...
So, it's something like 15 degrees and perhaps something froze up during my walk to work this morning but now I have that horrible Kelly Clarkson song stuck in my head. But it's not the whole song, mind you. Oh no! It's just the phrase "for a MOMENT LIKE THIS!!!"... over and over and over. Is this madness? Do I have hypothermia? Should I walk toward the light?
Thursday, January 23, 2003
Nell Carter, Star of TV's "Gimme A Break", Dead
Remember "Gimme A Break"? I really kinda liked that show. The theme song, which she sang, is now stuck in my head. Help! She's haunting me! Anyway, the Herald Tribune has an article about her passing at the young age of 54.
Purple Porpoise -- The Last Hurrah
I finally got around to posting the pictures I took from the last night of the Purple Porpoise. Click here and try not to weep too loudly...
Ladies and Gentlemen, I Bring You "Whiplash" -- The Rodeo Dog Riding Monkey
I have video proof. It's so cute it hurts. It's a little monkey dressed up like a cowboy, riding a dog around wee-little barrels. Ride 'em cowmonkey!
Gator Basketball! Woooo!!!
Me and my sweet, sweet Albert.
I love Gator basketball. Pure joy. I went to the game last night with my girlfriend and just enjoyed the heck out of it. Brought my camera and was allowed to walk around the arena and take pictures. Check em out.
Wednesday, January 22, 2003
Who Wants A Hug?
Monday, January 20, 2003
Maximum Exposure -- A Site Filled With Stupid People Doing Stupid Things
Maximum Exposure is one of those syndicated television shows that you can see late at night that's desperately over the top trying to find an audience. It's like "Real TV", only it seems to feature complete dumbasses and their misadventures on video. You'll love it. The website has new videos every week. Warning: Prepare to see an overabundance of mullets.
"FearDotCom" -- Kiss Your $3.99 Rental Fee Goodbye
Stephen Dorff, one of the stars of "Feardotcom", seen here firing his agent for signing him up for this piece of crap.
I don't actually want to write too much about this film for fear of wasting more of my precious time on it but I say this as a warning. If you see this movie at the video store, turn around very quickly and head for the exit. It was one of the worst movies I've ever seen. It should have been called "Shitdotcom". As a matter of fact, I will henceforth call it "Shitdotcom".
A quick synopsis: Stephen Dorff plays a detective that teams up with a health inspector, played by Natascha McElhone (best known from parts in "Ronin" and "The Truman Show") to investigate some bizarre happenings. By "bizarre", I mean that several people in the movie log on to this website and immediately the audience is thrust into a really bad "Nine Inch Nails" video. Yadda yadda yadda... I almost fall asleep and then there are gunshots. Bad guy gets killed, good guy gets killed, audience shakes video card in disgust.
In closing, I give this movie "one half stars". And I'm being generous.
And don't you DARE rent this movie because you think "it's so bad, it's good". It ain't like that, pal. It's no "Showgirls", believe you me.
Cyber "J. Lo" -- Big Fan of Frogbrother.com!
Here is my real (fake) testimonial from Jennifer Lopez, star of film, music, perfume, clothing and most importantly, big asses.
Sunday, January 19, 2003
NBC's "Dateline" To Focus On Michael Jackson's Face
As terrifying as it may seem, the news magazine Dateline is planning on creating a special devoted to Michael Jackson and the changes his face has gone through over the years. I will DEFINITELY watch this.
Colonel Trautman, Dead At 76
Colonel Trautman, on right, tells local sheriff "You don't seem to want to accept who you are dealing with. You are dealing with a man who is an expert---with guns, with knives, with his bare hands. A man who's been trained to ignore pain, to ignore weather. To live off the land and eat things that would make a billy goat puke. In Vietnam, his mission was to dispose of enemy personnel. To kill, period. Win by attrition. Well, Rambo was the best."
Richard Crenna, the only man that could pull off the line "He could eat things that'd make a billy goat puke" in a movie, died of pancreatic cancer at the age of 76. He, of course, was the lovable sidekick of Rambo in the movies of the same name. You could always count on him to jump into frame, tell the bureaucrat in question how Rambo would take a LAWS rocket and turn him into a casserole, and then disappear.
Saturday, January 18, 2003
Click here. Or click here. Just trust me. Prepare to smile until your face hurts.
And here's a list of games to play. When you're (ahem) not at work, of course!
And here's a list of games to play. When you're (ahem) not at work, of course!
Shocking New Development! Bobby Brown Arrested! Again!
On thesmokinggun.com, the mugshot (or should I say "smugshot") of Bobby Brown, the troubled and troubling r&b singer is posted for all to enjoy. I just can't believe that such an upstanding guy would have such troubles. Why does everyone pick on him so?!
Nostalgic Sports Fan Locates Ex-Gator B-Ball Athletes
For some reason, Stacey Poole popped into my head. He was a fantastic Gator basketball on an otherwise average team who overcame a lot of injuries (two bad achilles tendons, for starters) to play some fantastic ball for us. Anyway, I managed to find a site that tracks athletes based on their college and shows where in the world (literally) they are playing and how they're doing. Here's the 411.
For anyone who's interested, the latest information of Stacey Poole that I could find is here. Hope he's doing well!
For anyone who's interested, the latest information of Stacey Poole that I could find is here. Hope he's doing well!
Friday, January 17, 2003
Biography of the Delightful North Korean Leader, Kim Jong II
MSNBC.com has a great story that documents Kim Jong Il's rise to power and subsequent abuse. The guy is a complete freak.
Thursday, January 16, 2003
This Just In! Your Office Thermostat Is A Fake!
I knew it! The Wall Street Journal is reporting that offices install thermostat dummies on the wall to make employees think they have control over the temperature. Just like those buttons at crosswalks you push to cross the street. I'm POSITIVE those things aren't hooked up to anything either!
I guess you could always be smart like reader Glenn and bring a thermometer with you to work. He managed to put together a chart in Excel that proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that we work in a meat locker. Freezing cold!
I guess you could always be smart like reader Glenn and bring a thermometer with you to work. He managed to put together a chart in Excel that proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that we work in a meat locker. Freezing cold!
Wednesday, January 15, 2003
Feeling Sick
I'm home. I just coughed on my keyboard. Not likely to update much today. Would rather bundle up amongst layers of sheets. Sorry...
Tuesday, January 14, 2003
Halle Berry Has Perfect Face According to Plastic Surgeons
She ain't hard on the eyes.
The American Academy of Facial, Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery, in attempt to seem cool and hip has determined that Halle Berry has the "modern-day ideal face of beauty," Duh. They claim it's because of her "delicate, yet defined facial skeleton." Remind me to use that line in a singles bar.
"Hello there, miss. You have a delicate, yet defined facial skeleton. Hey. Where are you going?"
Friday, January 10, 2003
Create Your Own Caption!
Man Kills And Eats Mom -- Up For Parole in 15 Years?!!
On CNN.com, I came across a shocking story whereby a Fort Worth Man was sentences to 30 years -- just 30 years -- for beating his mom to death and then cutting her open and eating part of her heart. He's eligible for parole in 15 years. All I want to know is... what the F*** do you have to do these days to get life in prison or the chair?!!! This guy killed his own mom! And...ate...her...heart...!!!! Apparently, they plead down from life or the chair (or whatever they do in Texas) to 30 years for a guilty plea from this psychopath. There's something wrong when a guy can commit a heinous crime like this and have the potential to get out of jail in 15 years.
Thursday, January 09, 2003
The Car - THE Movie That Haunted My Childhood
I remember seeing this movie on TV when I was really young. It's a lot like Christine as it dealt with a possessed devil car that liked to run over people on foot, on bikes or while enjoying a nice, frosty beverage. No one was safe in that movie. There's one scene where a lady is in her house or trailer or something and she thinks "Hey! I'm in a house! That stupid car can't get me." and then the friggin' car CRASHED THROUGH THE WALL and ran her over. In her living room! Well, I'll tell you, after that, I didn't feel safe anywhere as a kid. I mean, after watching Jaws, I could even swim in my pool but at least I knew that I couldn't get eaten by a shark if I was in my room. Sh*t, there's NO WHERE to run from this damn car! You could hide on the roof but the car would just find a ramp or a really strong ladder and then its BLAMMO and you're stuck in the radiator! I didn't sleep very much when I was a kid, as you can imagine.
Mom and I walking to school.
My mom was a BIG fan of horror films so consequently I would watch them with her and then I would live with the paranoid results of those movies. I pretty much knew that I would either be run over by a demon car, dissolved by a blob or turned into a vampire or werewolf by the time I was 12.
Boo.
I also remember another TV movie from back in the early '80's called "Dark Night of the Scarecrow" that did a sufficient job of keeping me indoors for about a month after Halloween. It starred Larry Drake in the roll he seemed to be born to play, a mentally retarded guy. He's also known for playing... well... a mentally retarded guy on the television show "L.A. Law". I think he was also retarded in the movie "Dr. Giggles". But I'm pretty sure anyone in that movie was retarded. In the Scarecrow movie, he plays a retarded guy who is killed by townsfolk for a crime he didn't commit. Would you believe he comes back to exact revenge? Would you also believe he dresses up as a scarecrow to do it? It's pretty creepy, especially for a TV movie. I could be wrong, though. I was 9 when I saw it.
Britney and Justin Get Back Together! Woo hoo!!!
Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake have rekindled their failed romance - celebrating the event with a steamy night of passion. 'N Sync hunk Timberlake, 22, who many times in the past reportedly rejected his ex-girlfriend's wishes to get back together, decided to reach out to the singer while they were both in New York last month. The two were spotted getting into a chauffeur-driven black Suv at around midnight in Manhattan's trendy NoHo district. They later dashed into a building where Spears recently bought and renovated a plush condominium apartment. A source says, "They walked into Britney's building hand in hand. And once the were inside the lobby, they started making out and sucked face all the way to the elevators. They had their arms wrapped around each other. You'd never know that they'd ever broken up. Justin left alone three hours later, looking rumpled and happy. You do the math. Brit was thrilled about what happened. Her night with Justin was hot. But she's keeping the details very close to her heart." But Timberlake and Spears have yet to decide on the fate of their rekindled love - and may even continue dating others. The source tells American tabloid the Star, "Justin is not yet convinced that they're back together for good. He wants to take things very, very slow this time. As much as they love each other, they may see other people while they're dating. They're just gonna have fun getting to know each other all over again." -- printed from IMDB.comYoung love... ain't it grand?
Russian Scientist Claims Soul Can Be Stored On Hard Drive. Frogbrother Would Perfer To Be Tivo'ed.
Don't let his jacked-up comb over fool you... this guy is a genius. Really. An expert in the field of artificial intelligence. And he's theorized that the human soul can be captured into a hard drive. I know that if I decide to do this, I'm going to bite the bullet and get the optional service plan with the hard drive, just in case something goes wrong.
Wednesday, January 08, 2003
HEAR My Pain -- An Audio Clip Courtesy Of Greg
I found this MP3 while rummaging through my C: drive. I dated this girl, Kristen, for a few years until our harsh breakup. She sent me a final email which was the last in a series of business-like mailings and it was so cold that I immediately sent it to my friend Greg to critique. He came back with an dramatic reading of the letter, which can be accessed here. She's an English PhD student, if you're wondering about his approach to the material. Enjoy! It's rather brilliant!
Doctor Claims Women's Thighs "Tingle" in Tight Jeans. Funny... I Tingle When I See Them, Too.
The Canadian Medical Association Journal claims that tight hip hugger jeans can cause meralgia paresthetica. Now, don't rush to the free clinic... it's not a social disease. It's basically a pinched nerve that causes tingling in the thighs. Damn, what you women will do to look good.
Tuesday, January 07, 2003
McGahee Insured Self Before Bowl Game
This is making the most of a bad situation. Willis McGahee signed an insurance policy that gives him $2.5 million if he is unable to return to football after one calendar year. The policy is underwritten by Lloyds of London. He's expected to make a full recovery but this is just in case his injuries prevent him from going into the NFL.
Crooked Music Companies To Pay Settlement
This is legit. It's not one of those internet scams or chain letters. It has been determined that the recording industry and its distributors have filed a settlement based on the fact that they set a required minimum sale price for cd's. Even though the cost of cd production has plummeted, the industry's recommended retail price remained around $17. Subsequently, some bunch of lawyers got together and decided to sue the music industry.
You can get up to $20 for filing. If you've EVER bought a cd in a retail store, you are eligible. Do it. Now.
You can get up to $20 for filing. If you've EVER bought a cd in a retail store, you are eligible. Do it. Now.
Monday, January 06, 2003
Joke 'O The Day -- From Cliff
Did you hear that all of the Wal Mart's and K-Mart's in Iraq will be closing? Apparently, they are going to be replaced with Targets.
Man Breaks World "Ball Busting" Record
Bibhuti Bhushan Nayak has earned a world record. No, it's not for continuously jumping on a pogo stick. It's for having three concrete blocks smashed on his crotch. Congratulations, dude.
Ken Baker -- Profiles In Courage
This website -- http://www.kenbaker.net/ -- chronicles the life of Ken Baker, a very unusual guy. You see, Ken was a good-looking, athletic hockey player who most people would admire. Little new of his secret, that he was developing female characteristics, such as "birthing hips" and lactating breasts. His sex drive was nonexistant. Only after years of confusion and social anxiety did he discover through a doctor that he had a brain tumor that limited his production of testosterone and overproduces female hormones. He has a book about his experience and his rapid transformation to his current masculine self. I heard about this guy on Howard Stern of all places and his story has been put on paper. I'm looking for the book and will give you a review once I read it.
My Tribute To The Miami Hurricanes
Not a banner day for the weepy senior.
HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! AHHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HAAA!!!
Sorry, couldn't resist. I do feel bad for Willis Mcgahee as he seems like a decent guy with a good work ethic... and if you saw the tendon-snapping hit he took in the championship game, well you know that he must have been in tremendous pain. Oh lord... they must have showed that footage in slow motion a billion times. Hold on. I have to try and force that horrible image from my head.
Ugh. Still there.
Anyway, I can't help but think about two years ago. My girlfriend and I were watching the Gators lose to Tennessee at Florida Field and we were depressed and shocked, as were most of the people around us. Who happens to come up the steps? Two country jackasses wearing Miami jerseys, shouting and laughing that our season was done and how we stunk. Why the crowd didn't rush them and rip them to pieces I'll never know. I know that some people shouted back at them the typical (but relevant) "Hey, did you even GO to Miami?" The answer was obviously "no". The only post-secondary education most Miami fans receive is through the "Bonkerz Comedy Traffic School". They are usually the same guys who put racing stripes and neon on their Chevette. So, I'd like to dedicate this blog to them. Ha ha ha. I hope you were so upset about the loss that you were late to your job at Jiffy Lube, ass faces.
Here's an example of why I don't like most Miami fans. They planned a victory party in South Florida before the game! Put up flier and everything! Their one mistake was not keeping the fliers off Ohio State's bulletin board to fire them up! Click here.
(My apologies to Jean, who works in our office and at this point is the only positive thing to come out of Miami University that I've personally ever witnessed. But then again, she actually ATTENDED Miami, which most of their fans have managed to avoid.)
Friday, January 03, 2003
Cookie's Fortune
I just opened a fortune cookie from yesterday's meal and discovered four of the same fortune inside: There is usually wisdom in wit. Does that mean I'm wise? Of course, the other fortune I received said "Sometimes silence is the best answer." with those little smiley faces on both sides of the sentence. What the hell are you smiling at?
Top 10 Celebrity Bullsh*t Excuses
Celebrities are not known for their superior intelligence, although I'm always amazed when people take their rantings regarding political and social issues as relevant. Even more interesting is when these celebrities give excuses for their rediculous behavior. CNN.com has compiled a list of the ten best excuses for their behavior. Tah dah!
Wednesday, January 01, 2003
Happy New Year!
Happy happy happy for one and all! Here's a link to all the ridiculous superstitions that you'll adhere to regardless of how stupid they are...
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