Click here to read a funny article about Janeane Garafalo. (Don't worry... it's just a parody.)

Here's a picture of an explosion. A big one. Somewhere in Iraq. BOOOOM!!

Hmm... isn't that nice? Some teenage Vermont scumbags decided to throw rocks and shout "baby killer" at a female National Guard member as she entered and exited a store. I'm sorry... was there some baby killing going on in the store? Check this out.

Click here to read about Laurier LaPierre, a liberal senator from Canada who shouted "screw the Americans" during a floor debate. Continue reading how he then denied it until he realized that there were audio tapes made. Finish up by reading how he wept and sobbed like a little bitch. Weep, weep, weep! Why don't you cry about it, punk ass?!

The super smart people in Illinois have passed a law that makes it illegal to drive slow in the left hand passing lane! This law is SOOOO needed in Florida...

London - A German man caught masturbating on a tram was ordered -over a loudspeaker - to stop what he's doing.

The man was first spotted by a 19-year-old woman sat a few rows behind him on the tram in Ratingen, near Dusseldorf.

She told the driver who announced over the loudspeaker: "Please stop masturbating."

The man did so without saying anything before getting off the tram at the next stop.

The woman, who said she had been sexually harassed because of the incident, reported the man to the police who are now looking for witnesses. - Ananova.com

Yossel Abromozitz worked in a pickle factory. Unfortunately, he had a very great and powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.

This went on for years, and Yossel couldn't stand it any more. So he decided to seek professional help for this odd infatuation of his.

He spent a few months with a shrink who finally gave up and told Yossel that since Yossel's desire was so powerful to put his penis in the pickle slicer, the only way to get over it was to do it.

Yossel gladly agreed to do it the next day at work.

The next day he came home from work very early, about 11 am. His wife Sarah was very worried and asked why he was home so early. Yossel explained to her for the first time, the desire he had had to put his penis in the pickle slicer. He explained that he couldn't take it anymore and today he did it and he got fired as a result.

Sarah gasped and ran over to him, yanked down his pants and brief, only to see his penis perfectly normal and intact. She looked back up and said "I don't understand....what happened to the pickle slicer?

"I think she got fired too."

Finally, the FCC has done something right. In November, the cell phone companies will be forced to create a system whereby a person can keep their same cell number regardless of whether or not they stay with the same phone company. It might not seem like much, but it's a GREAT thing for consumers that felt stuck with a carrier because they had established their cell phone number as theirs. It will also force those same companies to give decent customer service for fear of losing out on revenue. And NO MORE long term, multi-year contracts! Click here for more information from MSNBC.com.

Here's a member of the military stationed in the Middle East with his first person perspective on the war. And it's kinda funny.

The classic movie "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty" is being remade! I found a site that lists script sales in Hollywood and it listed that this movie would be remade starring Jim Carrey! And directed by Steven Spielberg!! YEAH!!!!

So the girlfriend is out of town so I decided to hit the video store and rent some movies to occupy my time. I decided to rent "The Ring" because I had heard good things, which meant that I really hadn't heard bad things.

This review will be different than most in that I won't give away any of the plot. And that's not because I have some incredible insight about the movie. It's because I hardly know what the hell was going on. It was wacky. Actually, I thought the beginning of the movie was crap, the middle was average and the end was freaky. As a matter of fact, I hardly found the movie scary but I ended up not being able to get to sleep until 1:30am because of some of the frightening imagery. You'll see what I mean. Definitely worth renting.

A bit of trivia: The director, Gore Verbinski, was formerly a director of commercials and he created the "Budwieser Frogs". Now THAT'S scary!

Check out this link if you're interested in a history lesson. It does a pretty good job of explaining how we ended up in war with Iraq.

Here's an interesting article that spells out how Michael Moore, master manipulator, twists and distorts the facts and creatively edits his footage for his own gain. Fat ass jerk! Here's part of the article, just to whet your appetite...

In print, too, Mr. Moore plays fast and loose with the facts. In his "Stupid White Men," his best-selling book, he blithely states that five-sixths of the U.S. defense budget in 2001 went toward the construction of a single type of plane and that two-thirds of the $190 million that President Bush raised in his 2000 campaign came from just over 700 individuals, a preposterous assertion given that the limit for individual contributions at the time was $1,000.

When CNN's Lou Dobbs asked Mr. Moore about his inaccuracies, he shrugged off the question. "You know, look, this is a book of political humor. So, I mean, I don't respond to that sort of stuff, you know," he said.

"Glaring inaccuracies?" Mr. Dobbs said.

"No, I don't. Why should I? How can there be inaccuracy in comedy?"

Mr. Moore would deserve an Academy Award if there were an Oscar for Best Cinematic Con Job. If "Bowling for Columbine" is a comedy, most of its fans don't know it. They actually believe they're watching something that is in rough accord with reality.

Comedy? You mean, it's not a fact-finding expose? So you'll say anything at the expense of your enemies regardless of its accuracy for a LAUGH? Interesting.

This is a report by Sports Illustrated about Uday Hussein, Saddam's son and the person in charge of the national sports programs. Don Yaeger interviewed former World Cup and Olympic athletes that safely defected to other countries. Read carefully. Some of these stories are horrific.

Kurt Loder of MTV fame has an online review of the Oscar telecast and commented about the atrocious behavior of that fat load, Michael Moore.

Casey Kasem's Death Dedication

Posted Jul 05, 2005

Radio legend Casey Kasem freaks out about the "ponderous" experience of dedicating a song after the death of a little dog named Snuggles.

Labels: casey kasem, comedy, video

I posted a "rant" that was allegedly by Dennis Miller on my site and made it clear that I was skeptical that it was authored by him. Well, my suspicions were confirmed (I think) by this email:

Hey this is a great little board you got going here! By the way I'm Wayne Schields, the author of this little thing that's turned into Mr. Miller's latest rant. It was a letter to the editor of the paper here in Wichita Falls, Texas. By the way...I wrote #9 as "We are not trying to kill Iraqi citizens. We are trying to liberate them." Thanks!

W. Wayne Schields

I knew it! Not that it wasn't clever... because it was. It just didn't sound quite like Dennis Miller. Not wordy enough! Thanks for the clarification, Mr. Schields! Click here for the original.

Click here to read a report regarding the town of Safwan, Iraq.

Printed from the Washington Times:

Bunker buster
Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld has pointed to the 1991 bombing of the Amiriyah bunker in the Baghdad suburb as an example of how Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein fights.

In a recent prewar press conference, Mr. Rumsfeld said Saddam put civilians in a military command bunker knowing allied planes would eventually strike it. Sure enough, on Feb. 13, 1991, an Air Force jet attacked the communications command bunker with a penetrating bomb. At daylight, the Iraqi regime displayed the dead civilian bodies to the international media as an example of America's murderous ways.

In his new book, "War with Iraq: Critical Lessons," retired Air Force Lt. Gen. Buster Glosson writes a detailed description of how the target, No. L30, was chosen. "Why were civilians in the bunker?" asks Gen. Glosson, who designed the air campaign. "At this point in the war, how likely was it that people would go to a bunker on their own when they could very easily see we were only bombing things of military significance in Baghdad. In other words, the safest place to be in Baghdad was in an apartment complex or in a housing area."

He answers his own question: "Saddam did it on purpose. Saddam wouldn't have cared about the fact that a lot of people that were killed were dependents of the military and the intelligence service. That fact was irrelevant to him. All life, except his own, is irrelevant to him."

So, I attended the "anti-war" protests in Gainesville to see what it was all about. Those of you that know me know that I'm like most level-headed Americans and dislike the general idea of war but understand that war is sometimes necessary, such as when we forced Milosevic from power in Yugoslavia. We did not have U.N. support then, either, but few would argue that we did the right thing there. Anyway, I wanted to see what kinds of people would be out there protesting and if it accurately represented the general community. It did not. Unfortunately, the crowd represented mostly the types of people you would see following Phish or The Grateful Dead -- seemingly unwashed and shabbily clothed. They were smacking pie plates together and screaming in unison chants such as "Whose streets? Our streets!". Not quite sure what that meant. I heard another guy wearing camo pants shout "Close down the schools! Close down the federal building!"

Amongst the "Anti War, Anti Bush" people, there were a few "pro war" people. They were positioned closest to the street with aggressive signs that said "Bomb Saddam!" and "Tree Huggers, Go Home". (For the record, I don't agree with those slogans.) The latter poster bothered one guy that carried the French flag on a long PVC pole. I asked him if he was French and he said yes and that he mumbled that he was "pretty proud to be French at this point" with no trace of a French (or any other) accent. He then turned to the guy with the "tree hugger" sign and told him that he was "un-American" for being negative towards the protesters. And that pissed me off, mainly because this guy is French complaining that someone is un-American. I'm sure he knows that the French can be fined for criticizing Chirac in their own country... or maybe not. Anyway, I told him that the guy had a right to "protest the protesters" and if he didn't like it, he could find another corner. Freedom of speech, Frenchy!

What a jerk.

Anyway, I've decided that this is a debate of emotion versus pragmatism and the two arguments have problems meeting. Most of these people would never agree that there is such a thing as a just war. Even though war was responsible for creating this country, defeating nazism and communism, etc... The sad thing is... I hate the idea of war. I just found out that a friend of mine is in Kuwait, facing fear and death, and that makes me very sad. I just understand that it's important to the safety of the U.S. as well as the safety of the region that we disarm Hussein before he is allowed more time to strengthen his arsenal. A lot of people aren't aware that in the first hours of war, he's ALREADY used missles (the Al Samoud II and the Scud) that he claimed he didn't have, thereby proving that he's been lying all along to the U.N. He never had any intention of disarming. I just hope these particular short-sided peace protesters appreciate our efforts when we uncover the mass graves of his own people and the chemical weapons he's been hiding.

I guess one of the things that really bothers me is the "No War For Oil" signs. If you go up to these people and ask them why we didn't take over the Iraqi oil fields during the first Gulf War, you can literally watch the gears in their brain grind to a halt. The truth is that once Saddam Hussein loses control of those oil fields, more money can go to help the Iraqi people from the proceeds. Right now, Iraqi oil does nothing but pay for the production of WoMD (Weapons of Mass Destruction) and to fill Hussein's pockets. Just ask Forbes magazine, which lists his wealth at around $7 billion. His coffers fill while his people starve. He's a monster that takes money from the citizens and naturally, we try and control this behavior through sanctions and we're blamed for starving the Iraqi people. UGH!?!!

Ok... I'm going to stop ranting now before I blow an "O ring".

In San Francisco, "anti-war" protesters decided to show how sick this war made them by barfing on and around a downtown federal building. Good job, guys.

Click here to see a Fox News report that claims that Hussein is arming his troups with chemical weapons. Weapons which they claim to not have. Is that possible? Will this prove anything to these people who think we're going after an innocent country? Probably not...

"F*ck the Decepticons!!!"

This guy is in the National Guard and had his name changed to Optimus Prime. Ok, well, I hope he uses those really cool mounted missles or runs over the enemy. According to Mr. Prime, he received a letter from a general at the Pentagon that they were honored to have the leader of the Autobots on their side. Cuckoo!!! Cuckoo!!!

I did a Google search of "family circus evil" and found this cartoon:


Click here for more. And I guarantee that you'll laugh, instantly feel guilty, and then laugh some more.

Not sure that this is really by Dennis Miller but... it's interesting.

TRYING TO HELP By Dennis Miller

All the rhetoric on whether or not we should go to war against Iraq has got my insane little brain spinning like a roulette wheel. I enjoy reading opinions from both sides, but I have detected a hint of confusion from some of you. As I was reading the paper recently, I was reminded of the best advice someone ever gave me. He told me about the KISS method ("Keep it Simple, Stupid").

So, with this as a theme, I'd like to apply this theory for those who don't quite get it. My hope is that we can simplify things a bit and recognize a few important facts.

Here are 10 things to consider when voicing an opinion on this important issue:

• President Bush and Saddam Hussein.....Hussein is the bad guy.
• If you have faith in the United Nations to do the right thing, keep this in mind. They have Libya heading the Committee on Human Rights and Iraq heading the Global Disarmament Committee. Do your own math here.
• If you use Google Search and type in "French Military Victories," your reply will be "Did you mean French Military Defeats?"
• If your only anti-war slogan is "No war for oil," sue your school district for allowing you to slip through the cracks and robbing you of the education you deserve.
• Saddam and Bin Laden will not seek United Nations approval before they try to kill us.
• Despite what some seem to believe, Martin Sheen is NOT the President. He plays one on T.V.
• Even if you are anti-war, you are still an "Infidel" and Bin Laden wants you dead, too.
• If you believe in a "vast right-wing conspiracy," but not in the danger that Hussein poses, quit hanging out with the Dell computer dude.
• We are not trying to liberate them.
• Whether you are for military action, or against it, our young men and women overseas are fighting for us to defend our right to speak out. We all need to support them without reservation.

I hope this helps.

As we get closer to the 48 hour deadline imposed on Hussein, thousands of Iraqi troups are making sure to pack a nice white flag in their back pockets so they can quickly and effectively surrender as soon as the fighting starts. Which is fine... we will treat these prisoners much better than their leader. I just hope that we are able to flush out Saddam quickly before he is able to set up more targets near civilian areas.

This is fascinating to me. It's something that I considered when I felt that war was emminant. There is very little doubt in my mind that Iraq has banned weapons and I thought that it would be interesting to see what the countries that went against the US would say when those weapons were used against U.S. forces. Would Iraq actually USE weapons that they claimed were either destroyed or never existed? Wouldn't that prove that they had broken resolution 1441? Anyway, the French are now saying that they would join the fight alongside U.S. forces if Iraq used banned weapons ... click here.

Tobey McGuire might not be able to play the lead in the next Spiderman movie, according to sources. The studio has set a mid April deadline to start shooting and it would seem that McGuire is suffering from a back injury from his last movie. They might find a replacement in Jake Gyllenhaal, the star of "Bubble Boy" and "Moonlight Mile".

This guy is MAD! Leave his Chewbacca and Lea action figures alone!

I'm finally back from the SEC tournament in New Orleans. The Gators managed to lose their first game, even though they are in the top 10 in the nation. Needless to say we found a bunch of other things to do. I took pictures and will have them up soon along with descriptions. Should be fun!

"What if Saddam fails to comply and we fail to act, or we take some ambiguous third route which gives him yet more opportunities to develop this program of weapons of mass destruction? . . . Well, he will conclude that the international community has lost its will. He will then conclude that he can go right on and do more to rebuild an arsenal of devastating destruction. And someday, some way, I guarantee you he'll use the arsenal." - William Jefferson Clinton - 1998

Good luck with the surgery and congratulations in getting out from under the clutches of Data Processing!

From IMDB.com:
Hollywood actor Don Johnson is being probed by German customs after a stash of money totaling $8 billion was found in his suitcase. The Miami Vice star was found to be carrying the astronomical sum of money - in shares, bonds, checks and credit notes - as he tried to enter the country from Switzerland. And, according to Britain's The Sun newspaper, 53-year-old Johnson allegedly told a customs officer, "I am going to buy a car." The uniformed man replied, "With that money you could buy the factory." Officials said Johnson and three other men in the car were under suspicion of money laundering - no charges have been filed but American tax authorities have been informed. Customs Investigator Leonhard Bierl says, "A decision on whether to launch a criminal probe will come soon."

Here's a link on "Defenselink.mil" that shows the test detonation of the MOAB, the new bomb from the D.O.D. that is larger and more powerful than the Daisy Cutter bomb used in Afghanistan. The official statement is that the explosion is so powerful that it is as much a psychological attack as a physical one. Supposedly, the tremors could be felt within a 200 mile radius. Woooooha!

I've got a simple ASP chatroom on my website. Check it out by clicking here...

Tim Keown of ESPN.com has put together a "how-to" guide for basketball programs so they can cheat and not get caught. It's not bad. Which leads me to another point. My girlfriend and I were talking about the St. Bonaventure controversy and she asked me what I thought about it. Well, my understanding is that the team ended up screwing up their season by allowing an inelligible player to play and the games he played in were negated. When they discovered that these games would be forfeited, they voted to not play the rest of their games. I happen to think that these players are jerks. If they had any pride, they would have played out those last two games, regardless of the season's outcome. Instead, the team decided to be a bunch of sorry-ass quitters. Do they love the game? Do they care about their fans? No and no. Screw 'em.

Best quote from ESPN.com: "You know what?: Even the French are disappointed with St. Bonaventure."

Check this out... and hold on to your wallets!

This just in, according to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. The A.D. and President of U.G. have decided to bench the team pending an investigation of rules violations. Well, there's one team Florida doesn't have to worry about in the tournament.

Here's an article that describes a house in St. Louis that was filled with cats. And cat poop. One eyewitness account describes mounds of cat feces "as high as a person's knee". Now, I have a cat in my house and that damn thing has a case of the "stank ass"... I just can't IMAGINE what a home FILLED with cat sh*t smells like! They should flatten that house and pave it over.

Here's a report that claims that a munitions training exercise scared some Iraqi troops at the Kuwaiti border to cross over and surrender to the troups nearby. This is not going to last very long at all.

Click here to see the website of "Ouchy The Clown", the multi-talented entertainer. It strange and terrifying. You've been warned.

This site has a wonderful picture and article about a guy who trains different animals how to ski. Because in the future, food will be scarce and these animals will starve without the ability to ski for food.

The Washington Times is reporting today that a French company as late as January was supplying Iraq with parts to complement and repair fighter jets. Click here and then stop purchasing Evian and other french products!

Wheredaparty.com is a site created by some guys I used to work with that specializes in taking pictures of scantily-clad college girls at clubs around Gainesville. Make sure you check out the gallery entries for "Fat Tuesdays". There is usually at least one picture of girls kissing each other. What kind of drinks do they serve there, anyway?!

Click here to see a terrible, funny, terrible skit transcript.

What's the deal? Where is everyone? I had 97 hits or something like that a few weeks ago and now only two? I couldn't update because I was sick... what's wrong with you people!!!!

Former FSU quarterback Adrian McPherson was charged with a misdemeanor gambling charge for betting on FSU for every game last season. Too bad he picked an off year for Florida State. Click here.

I'm over my sickness and back at work, just in case anyone cares.

Ahh.... crazy rich people. They can be so entertaining. Especially Michael Jackson. It's been reported on CNN.com that he hired a voodoo priest for over $100,000 to try and curse Steven Spielberg and David Geffin. Unga bunga.

Between wiping my nose and coughing, I've been watching tv. Mostly Fox News, but now I've found the Maury Show. And SWEET! It's "Give Him A Paternity Test, I Know He's My Baby's Father!" day. I've seen a few of these shows in my time and the guys ALWAYS denies, denies, denies and they always end up looking like a jerk. I did see one show where the guy was cleared and you would have thought he won the Stanley Cup. He was dancing and jumping and screaming. Unfortunately, he ended up back on Maury's show later on with a new paternity test... one that proved "positive". Guess he ran out of luck.

Sorry for the extended absence and limited entries. I've been sick. I currently have flu like symptoms and on Thursday had outpatient surgery. Basically, a terrible week. I'll be writing more details about my week for anyone who is interested when I stop dripping and drooling.