Frog's House of Infinite Wisdom

I get bored... a lot. So I came up with another design, as you can see. Leave me a note letting me know what you think...

From my coworker Jay:

It's funny how internet makes certain things popular:
View this:
http://homepage.mac.com/howheels/rubpics/woowoo.wmv

Then this:
http://woowoo.dwoloz.com/wooo.swf
and:
http://woowoo.dwoloz.com/woo.swf

(I've checked this out... and I'm thinking about signing Bubb Rubb and Lil' Sis to a contract with RAPCON 2003 and Cracktown Records...

I don't know if I've ever mentioned this before this before... but I have a favorite show and its name is "Cheaters". It's one of those reality tv shows but instead of finding so-called talent, it hunts the worst in human nature. People contact the show's staff if they suspect that their boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband is hooking up with someone else and then Cheaters, made up of a team of private investigators and cameramen, surveil the perp in question. They always get the evidence they are looking for. The show then gathers the video evidence, which is always accompanied with a phone call between the victim listening to a lie regarding their evenings activities, and plays it for us to enjoy. The peak of the episode is when the Cheaters team takes the victim to the location where the perp and his/her new hookup are together and surprising them with host Joey Greco. The reaction is always different but always entertaining.

The last episode was the most horrific of them all. This guy had a pregnant girlfriend at home and another on the side all the while telling his main girlfriend that he loved her. Well, Cheaters did the job, got the evidence and took the pregnant girlfriend to the location where her man and the third party were relaxing on a boat. The crew surrounded the boat and confronted the perp with the evidence. He remained cool throughout, saying that he didn't care and he didn't want to be with his girlfriend. In typical fashion, host Greco did his verbal poking and prodding, asking him how he could be so cruel and so forth. The perp responded by quickly STABBING THE HOST with a fishing knife! After that, it was bedlam. One of the bodyguards fell off the boat, the others held the guy down and handcuffed him and a few others attended to Greco, who lost a lot of blood. I almost threw up. The episode ended with Joey being rushed to the hospital and the perp screaming on the boat deck.

Anyway, the episode left me rattled. There was nothing on the net to let me know of the hosts' status so I decided to email the show to find out:

To Whom:
I know this link is for broadcasters, but I felt the need to email and this is the only address I could find.
It would be great if there was an official "Cheaters" message board so that people can discuss the episodes. Also, so we could get updates about the people on the show. I'd also love a way to keep up with the host, Joey Greco, and what happened after his attack. The show really disturbed me and I'd like to know how he's doing. I also hope the assailant is serving hard time for that.

Thanks. LOVE the show.
B

This was the response:

greetings: thanks so much for your care and concern. joey is doing very well. i am forwarding all such e-mails to him so that he can know how much support he has out there. thanks for your good wishes and for your being a cheaters fan. tg

tracy george
public relations
cheaters

In other news, Frog Brother has a sperm count of 6. Ha ha ha? On CNN.com, researchers from the University of Valencia in Spain tested male sperm quality and then allowed women to value those men's attractiveness and subsequently found a correlation between the two. Click here.

Reebok has announced that they are signing Mark Walker Jr to a contract. He's 3 years old and is a supposed wiz on the court. Actually, I watched the video where he shoots 18 shots in a row... amazing. Check him out here.

Moviefone.com has put together a montage of Jack Nicholson's best grins for the silver screen. Click here to check it out.

Here's a tale about a guy that blew into an alcohol breath analyzer. And he was so wasted that it almost broke the machine. Damn!

Derrick Todd Lee, 34

This is the suspect wanted for murdering five women in the Baton Rouge area. Take a good look... and here's the article.

UPDATE: He's been caught in Atlanta at a tire store. Whew!

So... unless you live under a rock in a cave you've heard of Annika Sorenstam and her upcoming professional golf competition among a field of men in a PGA outing. Well, the PGA is considering changing its bylaws to make it clear that women are not allowed to be part of the tour. I'm still not sure what I think about this. I was watching pro pool players on ESPN the other day (because I was bored and the lumberjack competition wasn't for another hour) and wondered if they allowed women and men to compete against each other. I mean, it's a game of skill, not strength, and I don't see where either sex would have an advantage. Golf is a different story, though. There are special tees for women so that they have a shorter distance to drive to the hole. And there's the LPGA... which specifically prohibits men from competing. Is that right? I'm curious to hear your thoughts...

In Texas, a monk came to the rescue of a police officer that was being disarmed by a criminal suspect. I saw the video and you've never seen someone that so calmly just took a gun away from someone. Seriously. Details here, grasshopper... including the video!

Michael Jackson loves Taco Bell. At least I think that's him wearing the Spider-Man mask...

MSN.com has a list of terrible songs to pick as the official "wedding" song and the reasons why. I would like to add a few more songs that will NEVER be played at my wedding:

• "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang. This song makes me want to do everything BUT celebrate.
• "Macarena" by Two Old Mexican Dudes. That "hit" that told people that it was cool to dance alongside your grandma. It's funny to see people try to phonetically sing along.
• "Strokin' " by Clarence Carter. This song makes me want to smash my head with a brick. I'm sure this song made him rich and that just pisses me off.
• "It's Electric" by Some Jackass with a keyboard. Hey everybody! Let's do the electric slide! Woo hoo!!! I'm embarassed that I know that dance. The whole idea of the line dance is silly. One time I went to a wedding and I was pretty wasted and decided to mess with the group. The D.J. put on "It's Electric" and I went out to the dance floor and pretended that I was making up my own line dance, complete with spins and hand claps and had a group of high school cheerleaders trying to follow my moves. I was told it was funny. I can't remember too much after that but I'm sure it was great.

Help me add to this list! Leave a message...

Get that man an Oscar! Ha ha ha ha....

I haven't seen the movie but some people in the office have and I've heard lots of different viewpoints. Still not sure if I'm going to go jump into the deep end of the hype pool yet. If you've seen the movie, leave a review on the site and let me know if I should spend my six bucks on the movie or a six pack...

This goes specifically to the guy in my office that jumped into my conversation to play devil's advocate. My conversation was about how people should treat each other with more respect. Someone approached me to find out what I thought about when people stand in a parking spot to hold it for someone driving. I gave him my opinion on this and other situations because I was asked. Here's my list:

• It's probably not the most polite thing to stand in a spot but if it happens it shouldn't be longer than 30 seconds. Those spaces are made for cars, not people.
• If you go to a theater, you can only reserve as many seats as you have jackets and/or purses. In other words, one person can save an additional seat. Not five, not a row. That's rude. You don't own the theater.
• While I'm on the subject of theaters... if you talk on the phone or get into conversations during the movie, you are being rude. No one paid to listen to you, especially not me. I have a very good friend that talks during the movie and I had to tell her the same thing.
• Next... and this goes to the conversation interloper in my office... me leaving my office keys in the hallway instead of taking them in the bathroom does NOT equate to a situation whereby someone is actively being rude. Nice try.

Coming soon to your local plastic surgeon! Men can now have the fat sucked out of their massive man-breasts! They've invented a new tool that "that gently moves through the fibrous tissue (which gets thicker and harder closer to the center of the breast) and gently suctions out the excess fat"! What?!! I don't know about you guys but I've (accidentally) watched those lyposuction procedures on TV and there's NOTHING gentle about 'em! I mean, the doctor is totally ramming that big ass metal rod like he's playing "Flight of the Bumblebee" on a violin! It's nuts!

Guys (and girls if you want)... click here to check out two overly tanned freaks of nature. Both of these girls have what is called a "butter face". Everything looks good but her face. Butter face. Get it? Ha ha ha ha ha!

This is the picture I got on Google when I typed in "Senior Exercise". What the hell?!!

I was cruising the internet as I often do and came across this story regarding the heart attack death of a fitness club patron in Englewood, Colorado. The center is open 24 hours a day and apparently had a corinary around 4:30 in the morning, the paramedics were called and he was declared dead at the scene. For some stupid reason, the management of the club decided to keep the club open while waiting for the cororner -- two hours -- while people exercised five feet away from him. He was covered in towels so that people couldn't see him but DAMN! How cynical and creepy is that fitness center that they can't respect this man enough to clear everyone out? I mean, they are going to get some amazingly bad press for keeping the place open! Wow... sometimes the "bottom line" really IS the most important thing!

By the way, "24 Hour Fitness" is a corporate-owned company and their slogan is "It's The Way We Make You Feel". Indeed! I've sent an email to the corporate office to see if they have a comment. Let's see how good of a company they really are...

"Hey single Christian ladies..."

Some stranger called Megan D., who is probably some geeky dude, left a message on my guestbook pretending that he/she was just saying "hello" when he/she was in fact advertising "datechristiansingles.com". I checked out the site and found it odd and creepy. There's a guy on the front page that looks especially sweaty and scary so I decided to post it on my site. Any single ladies out there want to date a guy with a big knife scar on his forehead?

Anyway, check out the guestbook and see my response to her...

"I want to smear buttery spread on you, beautiful lady..."

I found these links online... and felt that the soothing words of Fabio should be heard by all:

• "When I have to leave my special woman, I always count the moments until I can see her again."
• "I like to take a special lady to the cinema, where we can hold hands in the dark."
• "I can be very shy when I first meet a woman."

From oxymoronlist.com:

20. Government Organization 19. Alone Together 18. Personal Computer 17. Silent Scream 16. Living Dead 15. Same Difference 14. Taped Live 13. Plastic Glasses 12. Tight Slacks 11. Peace Force

10. Pretty Ugly 9. Head Butt 8. Working Vacation 7. Tax Return 6. Virtual Reality 5. Dodge Ram 4. Work Party 3. Jumbo Shrimp 2. Healthy Tan 1. Microsoft Works

I came home yesterday to find that my herb plants -- one mint plant and one parsley plant -- was stolen off my front porch. By that, I mean that some piece of sh*t thief came into my yard, walked on my lawn and took two measly plants. I just trimmed back the parslet plant so it was really puny looking. Just what the HELL are they going to do with a mint plant?! Do crackheads like to drink tea? Do they eat mustard sandwiches with a parsley garnish? Did some junkie walk by, look at my mint plant and think "Hey! That would go great with some sorbet!" Anyway, my girlfriend called me at work to tell me that the mint plant was missing and I then went through a long tirade about how I wished that the stupid thief would get hit by a car when leaving my property. As he fell, the plant would fly in the air and land on his face and he died of suffocation. GRRRR!!!

"It's not easy being German..."

The family of the late Jim Henson has bought back the name and rights to the Muppets and other Jim Henson Productions properties! USA! USA!!!

Ewwww... just ew. I'll let you guys come up with funny comments for this one. Like shooting ducks in a barrel.

Not unlike the elusive Sasquatch, I have attempted to take photos of Dale, who was spotted at our office. Camera in hand, I ran to the window and snapped away. The camera refused to work until he was a safe distance away but they still provide proof that he's still among us. Click on the pictures to view.

I was straightening up my bathroom yesterday and I thought about those people that visit your house and invariably look through your medicine cabinets. How funny would it be to make fake labels, such as this:

"God, if you're listening, please let my have my next concert at 'O2B Kids..."

Am I the only one totally creeped out by the latest song by R. Kelly? "Let me stick my key in your ignition"?! Wha?! Ew... we all know you're singing about 15 year olds, you creep!

So I posted the new hit track from RAPCON 2003, the hip hop track me and my friends made this past weekend, and have not gotten any response. I don't know if anyone has even listened to it. Click here to d/l the track and leave me a message. Tell me how horrible it is... it's supposed to be funny and ironic!

There are a lot of people out there that think the U.N. is a fantastic organization. They also think that we should only listen to them with regards to our national defense. Well, the UN is made up of despots and maniacs. And they are mostly from countries that don't have the financial strengths, freedoms and world power that we do so they instead ban together to try and control us. Meanwhile, they are all scumbags. Check out what happens when the cafeterias in the United Nations building is unmanned for a day. This is how professional these people are. Can they manage to create order among their own chaos? Nope. They instead loot the cafeterias like a bunch of animals. They stole food and silverware -- FRIGGIN SILVERWARE! I mean, I can almost understand being so hungry that you nab some food but SH*T MAN?!!! Did they need to take the forks and spoons? Isn't this more proof that we should get the hell out of the UN? Or get the UN out of New York? GRRR!!!!

Reprinted from Philly.com:

Cops bust 'Tigger' after holdup try

It wasn't hard for police to spot this would-be robber. Upper Darby police said a man in a Tigger costume entered an A-Plus Sunoco on West Chester Pike at St. Laurence Road yesterday, and threw two coupons and a flashlight on the counter.

One of the coupons had instructions written on it telling the clerk to hand over "$25,000 please," and stating "I have a bomb." The clerk ignored the robber, who eventually turned tail and left. Other people also reported the "Tigger" strolling the neighborhood and police later arrested a man identified only as Allen Hansell.

Two genius inventors have created a device that attaches to a woman's ankles and sends an audio frequency through their body. This special tone brings the woman to the moment of orgasm but not beyond. According to reports, she still requires tactile stimulation to climax, but that still means less work for the guy! The cost of this device: $200. The value: PRICELESS!!!

Ok... click here. The file is in Windows Media format. I've probably built it up too much. Let me know how surprised you were that it's not terrible or let me know how awful it is. We spent most of the day drinking "8 Balls" and writing terrible metaphors. My brother created the background music and moved our vocals around so it actually went along with the beat. Let me know what you think. This is a very early track that we plan to edit more as the days go on. We'll be getting together on an irregular basis to do more writing and tracking and to release a full length album. Multi platinum. Bling!

PLEASE let me know if you listened to the track... you don't even have to tell me what you think...

Well, the weekend is almost over and after a day and night of work, sweat and beers, we've managed to put together some rhymes. Thanks to my brother, we've managed to write, record and polish a track. I'm not sure if the world is ready for it. I was surprised that we were able to pull something halfway decent. I'm thinking about posting it online... but only if I get a good response from you, my blog readers. Post in the comments section and let me know if you want to hear "Rap!", our first single.

Ok... so I've invited a few of my friends over for the weekend for "RAPCON 2003", a rap convention of my own design. We are going to listen to hip hop, drink, write down some lyrics, drink, lay down some tracks on the old MPC2000xl, drink and create some street wise rhymes. It'll be terrible... and terribly entertaining. If any actual music comes out of it and it's not too embarassing, I'll post it. If you have any idea of styles we should research, post them in the comments.

So far, the people involved in RAPCON 2003 are:
• M.C. Eldorado (me)
• Comfy G
• Cynical J
• My brother who has no rap name at this point

Aron Ralston, avid mountaineer, was hiking by himself in eastern Utah when a thousand pound boulder landed on his arm, pinning him. After running out of water, he was forced to amputate his arm, reppel down the side of a rock wall and hike to safety. You know, none of these techniques were ever mentioned in my issues of "Ranger Rick" magazine when I was a kid...

Remember her from the hey days of Wrestlemania? Well, it's rumored that she was found dead in a Marietta apartment early Thursday. She was the girlfriend of Lawrence Pfohl, known by his alter ego Lex Lugar. Personally, I would get alibis from "The Bushwackers" and "Ultimate Warrior".

When asked to comment, Rick Flair hung his head and gave out a weak "Woooooo."

Someone has put together an entertaining musical tribute to Saddam Hussein, to the tune of "The Real Slim Shady" by Eminem. Not bad. I never knew he was so urban. Click here...