Frog's House of Infinite Wisdom

I hate for this to be the first post in days but it needed to be noted. Charles Bronson, movie tough guy, passed away today at the ripe age of 81. Click here to read all about it from CNN.com.

• Fried Dumpling on 99 Allen. It's this hole-in-the-wall restaurant in the Chinatown area that will fill you up with delicious food for less than $10.
• The Maury Show. I went there today. More on that later.
• The fountain at City Hall. It's right in the middle of south Manhattan but it's peaceful and nice.
• Three of Cups, another restaurant in the East Village. Great italian food, including the brick ovens for pizza!
• Grand Central Station. Not as "busy" when we went around noon as the clique claimed but it had some real life to it and it was very ornate and interesting looking.

• New Yorkers are much more polite than you think. (So far...)
• New York pizza is as good (or better) than you might think.
• The subways are dirty and hot. Very hot. The actual cars are fairly clean and air conditioned.
• If you look up at the tall buildings, not only will everyone on the street immediately know you're a tourist, you're likely to fall over from dizzyness. Seriously. The buildings are so tall that you don't always see the sun.
• Gay bars play decent music. And the bathrooms are tidy, spacious and dimly lit, much like the rest of the club. Hmm...
• The "Soho" area of New York means "South of Houston" which is not pronounced like the Texas city but like "HOW-stun". Mispronounce it and you're definitely going to hear it.
• When you take a cab from the LaGuardia, give the driver $4 for tolls in advance so he doesn't think you're from out of town.
• If you plan on taking a taxi anywhere, make sure you have some Dramamine handy. Our driver took his vehicle airborne several times.

...so I expect lots of birthday wishes! Let hear 'em!

Well, we're here in NYC. My shoulders hurt from tightening up during the cab ride. I swear to God that we were airborne for most of the ride. So I'm trying to get back to normal.

We're getting ready to leave and get some New York Style pizza! Yum!

One of the things I wanted to do on my trip is see a show. Not just any show... THE show. Maury Povich. The place where white trash and DNA tests meet head on. Anyway, after weeks of calling the ticket hotline, I finally got a call back from a nice young lady named "Jenni". She was almost as excited to give me tickets as I was to get them!

Anyway, the show is on August 26th... I'll post more info as it develops!

I've been so busy, I haven't had much of a chance to write. I'm on the third day of my new job and I am leaving on Thursday for New York City so my time has been spent working and getting ready for the trip. I haven't even had time to check out my usual internet sources for wild and wacky news. I'll try harder, I swear!

I work with Adobe Photoshop and am pretty aware of the power of that program but have to admit that I was surprised at how drastically you can change a photo and still make it look "natural". Check out this profession photo editor's website and marvel at the magic of digital editing! Click here...

I didn't really mention this before but today is the last day at my current job. I start a new one tomorrow. I read somewhere that changing jobs is among the most stressful things that happen to people, other that dealing with deaths in the family. I have to agree. I've done a pretty good job of not seeming bothered and joking around at work but the whole idea is bittersweet. I enjoy the people I work with but the job is not very interesting and I don't deal with boredom well. That coupled with the fact that the big boss of the office is doing everything he can, including hiring more people at twice our salaries during a so-called "budget crunch", to make people angry enough to want to leave. Well, here I go. Your wish is granted!

The people in our office threw a pizza party in my honor and I spent 97% of the time doing my typical stand up routine. I think at one point, I actually said "pull my finger" in front of my boss! I didn't look up at her but I assume she was laughing like everyone else was... at least I hope so.

Anyway, everyone has been great... they even bought me a mini-gas grill to replace the one that was stolen over a year ago. Nice! Very cool of them...

Right now, I'm happy and sad and nervous and excited and about a dozen emotions at once. If nothing else, this place has been very comfortable and I'm about to leap out of that comfort zone. Wish me luck!

Birthday wishes go out to Halle Berry, who is 37 today! Wha... wait a minute? She's 37? Holy crap! She's got to be the hottest 37 year old on the planet! Who's with me?!

Hollywood is calling! No... seriously. For $19.95, you can get Lorenzo Lamas, "star" of the "hot" "television show" Renegade, to call someone and say "hello" or "happy birthday" or "I'm low on funds, mind if I finish that sandwich?" Other stars of the Hollywoodiscalling.com website include: Lou Ferrigno, Tony Todd (the guy who played "Candyman"), Todd Bridges from Diff'rent Strokes, Fred "Rerun" Berry, Greg "My Two Dads" Evigan... the list goes on and on. And this could possible be the saddest thing I've seen in a while.

For example:
"Hey, it's us, the Barbie Twins. Just wanted to call and wish you a happy Bar Mitzvah! Mazel Tov!"
"Hewwow, dis is Wooo Forwigno. Grrrrr! Happy Eastah!"

From IMDB.COM:

"I Survived Gigli" Boston Bash Planned

Much-maligned Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez movie Gigli is getting a new lease of life - from a radio station offering prizes to cinema-goers who manage to sit through it. Boston, America, station Wbcn is offering 'I Survived Gigli' t-shirts to anyone left in their seats when the lights come up after the final showing at a Boston theater this Thursday. WBCN Creative Services director Chachi Loprete says, "We're doing this because the movie's been such a bomb." The critically-slammed movie has only made back $6 million of its $55 million budget since being released in America at the beginning of the month.

Bruce Campbell is "The King"

This movie WILL be amazing! I can't do the description justice, so here's a write-up from RottenTomatoes.com:

Based on the Bram Stoker Award nominee short story by acclaimed author Joe R. Lansdale, Bubba Ho-tep tells the “true” story of what really did become of Elvis Presley. We find Elvis(Bruce Campbell) as an elderly resident in an East Texas rest home, who switched identities with an Elvis impersonator years before his “death”, then missed his chance to switch back. Elvis teams up with Jack(Ossie Davis), a fellow nursing home resident who thinks that he is actually President John F. Kennedy, and the two valiant old codgers sally forth to battle an evil Egyptian entity who has chosen their long-term care facility as his happy hunting grounds…

It's gotten great reviews! Click here for the official website and check out the trailer!

I was at the mall yesterday looking for some sort of messenger bag. The backpack I'm using now is several years old and it's beginning to look like a hobo's accessory. Anyway, as I was leaving, I saw two rediculous things that caught my eye.

• I saw a young boy, couldn't have been older than twelve, that was fat as shit. Worse still, he was wearing a white cowboy hat that was so big it could have doubled as a country sail. Even worse than that, he had a black t-shirt that had a picture of a bottle of Jim Beam with "It's A Southern Thing" in bold letters on top. I noticed him because he was waddling down some steps with his fat mom. Shame shame shame...
• Leaving Belk's, I saw three seemingly pre-teen girls sitting on a bench, all smoking next to a stroller. The kid was enveloped in the smoke created by the three morons.

I would have taken pictures but I couldn't sneak one... would have been too obvious.

Perfect! I heard an internet rumor that they were considering Christopher Walken for the part of "Willy Wonka". So cool. Especially when I heard that they were originally considering Will Smith.

Terry Announces Candidacy In California Recall Election

As the league leading Office Linebacker for four years running, "Terrible" Terry Tate possesses the vision, the experience, and the unique ability "to bring the pain up in this humpy-bumpy" that California so desperately needs. Terry promises to end partisan gridlock by knocking some fiscal sense into the corporate lobbyists, career bureaucrats, and partisan politicians who are at the heart of the problem: "I'm the type of player that player haters hate to play - cause I'm 100% heart baby, all day, every day."

Once elected, Mr. Tate will tackle white collar crime: "Ya'll suckah's who don't pay taxes and hang out on your Gucci yachts? With Triple T in charge, you know you gonna get caught." Terry also commits himself to reducing overcrowding at schools, improving air quality, and eliminating "long-[expletive] coffee breaks - five minutes tops, or ya'll gonna get clocked."

And despite the risk inherent in being the top executive of the state, Terry stands alone among leading candidates in his pledge to realize the hopes and dreams of the voters of California without taking a vacation or a sick day. "Playin' hurt? Baby that don't phase me. The only pain I got time for is the pain I put on fools who don't know what time it is."

Most importantly, a vote for Terry Tate is a vote for a better future for California's children, families, and businesses: "I'm gonna govern the [expletive] out of this state. Believe that, California."

Visit terrytate.reebok.com now.

Sad day. Gregory Hines, actor and dancer, passed away from cancer in Los Angeles on Saturday. This guy was cool. Honestly. If you haven't seen "White Nights" or "Tap!", do yourself a favor and rent those two. Especially "Tap!", because it has him AND Sammy Davis Jr. in it! Both dancing their collective asses off. This really is a sad day. Oh! And "Running Scared"! That's a great buddy cop movie that should have had a sequel... damn.

Damn.

On BayArea.com, they are reporting on Governor Davis. Apparently, not only can they guy not control an out-of-control California, he can't even manage to keep his driver from speeding. Clocked doing 94 on "Blood Alley", the same stretch of road that transformed James Dean from teen sex symbol to obituary byline.

Come up with some of your own...

Here's a story from the BBC. It documents how a sheepdog discovered a man's message in a bottle who was needing rescue. The dog responded... click here for the full story. Woof!

Even when Madonna breaks wind, as in this picture, her farts have a fake british accent.

I just think Madonna's obnoxious and awful and here's a picture of her that looks terrible, just because I care. I believe she trying to whistle through that giant f*cked up gap in her teeth. The high picture noise sounds eerily similar to the soundtrack of "Dick Tracy".

Just in case you can't read it... it says "Toss Our Salad!"

Was there ever any doubt that this movie was going to be terrible? Well, the experts agree! Here's a selection of review from around the country, collected by Rotten Tomatoes.com:

"A recent episode of South Park suggested that a fourth-grader's hand puppet could turn in a better performance than Ms. Lopez, and in the case of Gigli, it's hard to argue." -- Luke Y. Thompson, NEW TIMES

"Falls somewhere between horrible and laughably awful." -- Emily Russin, SEATTLE TIMES

"I am giving Gigli one star and that is only because of Walken: if Brest were smart, when the film hits DVD, he should only release that scene and stick the rest in the deleted scenes section." -- Peter Sobczynski, CRITIC DOCTOR

"A rigli, rigli bad movie." -- Bruce Newman, SAN JOSE MERCURY NEWS

Have you seen this show yet? I have and I have to admit that I'm conflicted about it. On one hand, I see this an another attempt to feminize society and I'm not necessarily for that idea. On the other hand, these guys are funny as hell and give really good advice. This is so much better than your average makeover show because they don't just attempt to "shine a turd"... they give the poor sap guidance and schooling on how to dress, decorate and how to behave. I don't feel like these guys are out to make gay-looking men but they are doing an effective job of helping people feel comfortable with the idea of having five gay dudes fawn and pawing at a straight dude. I'm curious to hear what gay men think about this show as it does seem to perpetuate stereotypes -- a couple of these guys are pretty flamboyant. Truth be told, the most flamboyant of the group -- Carson -- also comes across as the most helpful and interested of the group. All and all, I would recommend the show, if for no other reason but to get really great information which is as good as anything in a Men's Health magazine.

I just got another one of those silly surveys that people send out so that they can quiz their friends and get positive joy-joy warm fuzzies back from them. I play by my own set of rules. Here's my response to questions that are supposed to refer to the sender.

SURVEY WITH A TWIST - YOU fill in the blanks about ME and send it back to ME, but FIRST, send a BLANK one to all your friends, including ME, so they can return the favor to YOU. BE HONEST! They're really cool to get back, you might find something you missed before. First, send this survey to EVERYONE you know to see how well they know you... Second, fill this survey out about THE PERSON THAT SENT IT TO YOU and SEND BACK TO THEM.

1. My name: Frogbrother

2. Where did we meet?: In the alley, behind Taco Bell

3. Take a stab at my middle name: Liz "Stab" Lastnamestein.

4. How long have you known me?: Since we met in the alley

5. When is the last time we saw each other?: At the Gucci outlet store.

6. Do I smoke?: She better NOT!!!

7. Do I believe in God?: You believe in Dog.

8. When you first saw me what was your impression?: I did an amazing impression of Willie Ames, from Charles in Charles.

9. My age?: 78. Liz sleeps in a special oxygen-rich chamber at night and that keeps her skin youthful and radiant!

10. Birthday?: July 4, 1776.

11. Color hair?: Brown.

12. Color eyes?: Brown.

13. Do I have any siblings! ?: Yes. She has twelve sisters.

14. Where did I grow up?: On the tough streets of Detroit.

15. Have you ever been mad at me?: Mad, no. Disappointed, yes.

16. What's one of my favorite things to do outdoors?: You love to rob old ladies and steal their social security checks.

17. What's one of my favorite things to do indoors?: Dance at the "Pretty Pony" for fives and tens.

18. Do you remember one of the first things I said to you?: Have you seen my baseball?

19. What's my favorite type of music?: Salsa.

20. What is the best characteristic about me?: You think I'm funny.

21. Am I shy or outgoing??: Quit hiding under your desk.

22. Would you say I am funny ha ha or funny sarcastic?: Funny ya ya sisterhood.

23. Am I a rebel or do I follow all the rules?: You tend to follow the rebels.

24. Would you consider me a friend, an acquaintance or a good friend?: Friend, on the cusp of good friend.

25. Would you call me preppy, slutty, average, sporty, punk, hippie,glam,nerdy, snobby, or something else?: Glam, nerdy punk.

26. Have you ever seen me cry?: I've never NOT seen you cry.

27. If there were one good nickname for me what would it be?: "Little Miss Glam, Nerdy Punk Cry Head". Or "Spanky". Either one.

28. If I had broccoli stuck i! n my teeth would you tell me? I'd probably make a nice cheese sauce to go with it.

29. What is the first memory that comes to mind of you and me? That time when you and I were drinking "International Foods" coffee on the French Riviera and we both exclaimed "Jean Luc!" at the same time! Or was that a commercial I saw. Hmm... Oh! I know! It was the time when I took my badge and slammed it on the captain's desk, looked him in the eye and said "I'm taking out Santiago WITH OR WITHOUT your help!" and he said "I'll have your ASS for this?!!". Of course, you wryly replied "If he doesn't get it shot off, I'm sure he won't mind at all." You were always a great partner and normally I would have cracked a smile at this but I was singularly focused on Santiago, the drug kingpin responsible for killing my family.

Here's an actual screen capture from my Hotmail account. No wonder I need a psychiatrist! I felt the need to respond to the two dueling spam emails...