Frog's House of Infinite Wisdom

The last time I went to Sam's Club, I think I bought a bag of frozen "pot stickers" and a three pound bag of fresh baby spinach. Little did I realize that I could purchase ICE there! 24 Carats, baby!

Guys, take note. If you buy your woman a gift at Sam's... keep it to yourself.

Don't let the bored expression fool you, this Zombie wants to eat your face off.

As you well know, zombie season is apon us. This is the time of year when the undead clumsily drag themselves into our cities and prey on the living. As a public service, I have responded by offering two links as education. The first is a book that teaches about all things "zombie", from the history of the zombie to the best ways of defending against a zombie attack. The Zombie Survival Guide is written by Max Brooks and is an indespensible guide for you and your zombie-addled family. Also, the page created by Kevan Davis features a Zombie Infection Simulation which will give you a good idea of how the infection is spread and how much time you have left. Godspeed!

What are you looking at, tiny defenseless woman?

Part-time actor and full time jackass Tom Sizemore was sentenced to six months in jail for domestic violence, making criminal threats and harassment. Sizemore, 41, who starred in "Kill Bill" and "Saving Private Ryan" blamed his addiction to crystal meth on his violent behavior towards former Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss. The rumor is that he beat her up after they both appeared on the Howard Stern Show during his promotion of "Black Hawk Down". According to sources, she openly stated that she didn't care for the movie because she prefers non-violent films and after the appearance, he thrashed her. Frogbrother will keep you posted if his prison-mates give his incarceration a positive review. *wink wink* UPDATE: Yes, I know. He wasn't in "Kill Bill". That was Michael Madsen. My bad.

This comes from one of those chain email things that I normally hate but this one's not bad:

To the survivors:

According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's, 50's, 60's, or 70's probably shouldn't have survived.

Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets. (Not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.)

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. Horrors! We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. No cell phones. Unthinkable.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo 64, X-Boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, videotape movies, surround sound, personal cell phones, personal computers, or Internet chat rooms.

We had friends! We went outside and found them.

We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms, and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms live inside us forever.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's home and knocked on the door, or rang the bell or just walked in and talked to them.

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law. Imagine that!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever. The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.

And you're one of them!

I read on CNN.COM today that some black clergy are boycotting a game called "Ghettopoly" which is loosly based on the game Monopoly, except it takes on the look and feel of an urban ghetto. The interesting thing is that the so-called stereotypes demonstrated in the game are the same ones you see every single day on Mtv, BET and in the record stores. The difference? The creator of this game is Asian and the artists that rap about bitches and hoes and "Keys and G's" are black. When was the last time you heard an uproar over those types of albums such as ones from Cash Money Millionaires? Um... I haven't. And if there were some, they certainly haven't been with such fervor. They'll picket an Urban Outfitters for selling this game but not a Camelot Music for selling the same type of image?

"[Defensive coordinator Charlie Strong] is worried about one thing right now, and that's recruiting and Georgia." - Ron Zook, UF Football Coach

This website is worth checking out. David Gest, estranged husband of Liza Minnelli, has filed a $10 million lawsuit against his former wife seeking remuneration for physical disabilities he has sustained during several drunken beating sessions during their 16 month marriage. The lawsuit details the alleged alcohol-laced tirades. It's compelling stuff. If it's true, this woman need some serious help.

Jessica Simpson, the blonde bombshell/ditz on the MTV show "Newlyweds" was invited to tour the "Chicken of the Sea" facility after her now infamous episode where she claimed to not know that the food she was eating was in fact tuna and not chicken. Kinda makes you want to spoon feed her applesauce, doesn't it?

Saw this sticker on the way to work and thought it was pretty damn funny.

Odd street magician David Blaine is in England. His vacation is a little different than mine would be. Instead of checking out the sites, he has decided to suspend himself in a clear box and consume nothing but water for 44 days. The "magic" is that he won't die. Whoopie-friggin-do. How unexciting is that? David, listen up! You want to impress me? Go over Niagara Falls in a barrel. Twice. Better yet, go over the falls in that clear box of yours.

This is welcome news. My girlfriend and I were watching this game and were shocked to see a linebacker from Ohio State picking himself up off of the pile by posting on the quarterback's neck. After that, he drove his knee into the guy's head. I even checked out the website to match his number, 44, with his name, Robert Reynolds. It was terribly violent and unsportsmanlike, even for a football player. The assault prevented the opposing QB from coming back into the game. Fortunately, Ohio State lost and Wisconsin QB Jim Sorgi recovered well. The punishment? A one-game suspension. It should be at LEAST two. His purposeful actions kept a player out for the rest of the game and it was something done after the play. It's not the same as a tackle that injures someone. It's wasn't his fantastic skills as a player that hurt the QB. It was the fact that he's a punk-ass thug that deserves more than just a one-game suspension. Shame on him!

The Letterman Show decided to offer ousted California governor Gray Davis a humorous outlet for his frustration on Friday by writing a Top Ten list for him to recite.

Pieces of Advice Gray Davis Has for Arnold Schwarzenegger

10. Governor, when you realize you don't know what you're doing, give me a call.

9. Body-building oil will stain the mansion's Italian silk sofa.

8. Listen to your constituents -- except Michael Jackson.

7. (Sorry, joke number 7 was recalled.)

6. To improve your approval ratings, go on Leno - when you get kicked out, go on Letterman."

5. Study the master -- George W. Bush."

4. You could solve the deficit problem simply by donating your salary from 'Terminator 3."'

3. If things are bad, just yell, 'Save us, Superman!"'

2. While giving a speech, never say, "Santa Cruz, Santa Barbara ... same thing."

1. It's pronounced "California."

For those interested in the Sigfried and Roy saga, I found this account to be the most detailed and reasonable. Based on the descriptions I had read previous to this, it sounded as if the cat was merely trying to carry Roy off in a calm way, much like regular cats do with their kittens, by the neck. If the animal wanted to kill Roy, it would have been done in a much more ferocious and deliberate way. I mean, come on! You've seen the "Discovery Channel", right? The big ass tiger versus the elk? There's no gentleness about it at all!

Ebay has a "hack of a football coach" for sale. So far, the highest bid is $27.25 by "clemsonathleticdirector". Get your bids in soon!

I especially like the beach town of "Bowflex". Click here to see how some people on FARK.com think Arnold's first days in office will look like.

He can't possibly be worse than Davis. Not possible. I have to commend Gov. Davis on his concession speech last night as it was very mature and appropriate. A lot different from the attack campaigns against Arnold in recent days.

This is one of the most disgusting headlines I've seen in a while. Do you really want to probe a 900 person orgy? And now that you know where that probe has been, don't you want to get rid of it? Ew. Click here

I TOTALLY read this article on ESPN.com and missed it. Check out this paragraph.

"We're embarrassed," said tailback Ran Carthon, who called a player's-only meeting for Monday. "We're 3-3, and no one knows what that feels like around here."

I wonder if the team is as angry at Zook as the fans are...

Jill Stewart of the L.A. Daily News has written a fascinating report on the hypocracy of the Los Angeles Times regarding coverage of Arnold Schwarzenegger and the allegations of sexual misconduct. Apparently, Gray Davis has a confirmed history of abusing the people in his office and more specifically, two women that worked for him, and the Times refused to give the story any real estate on their paper. They are all too happy to publish unconfirmed, tabloid-like reports about Arnold without a shread of proof. Click here to read the op-ed.

Between you and me, I'm very skeptical about these so-called revelations regarding Schwarzenegger. It's just odd how this information was made public days before the election. It sounds like political dirty tricks. The reason, I feel, it wasn't released earlier is because it would have given Arnold too much time to recover. Releasing it this late forces him to address negative issues (and creating strong associations with those negative issues) and less time talking about his platform. It's crap. None of these women ever said anything until the final days of his campaign? Odd coincidence, considering he's always been in the public eye.

This link is for a live version of a song he wrote about his time in a hot tub. It's called "Bare Ballin'". I kid you not.

It's the age old question -- who would win in a fight, Captain Kirk or Captain Picard. Now, you can decide for yourself, thanks to Idleworm.com. Click here and try your hand at a little Star Trek hand to hand combat featuring these two legendary commanders!

Wanna race for titles?

I've decided that my next automobile will be a UPS truck, because those bastards can park anywhere they want!

This story isn't all that interesting, but I read the headline and thought it would make a funny joke. Obviously, I was wrong.