Frog's House of Infinite Wisdom

It's a big "uh oh" for Dems. The economic growth has surpassed projections by analysists and has hit 4.1 percent. Unfortunately, unemployment is still high enough that Democrats can make note in their quest for the White House - 2.2 million jobs we lost during Bush's first term. Unfortunately, no one considers the fact that we are coming back from a recession AND one of the most catastrophic events to happen on our soil, 9/11. Job growth is expected within the next couple of months as companies are making major equipment purchases, a strong sign that they feel good about the pending economic recovery.

Enough of this serious talk... someone pull my finger.

Here's one from a co-worker, via email:

There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman.

They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most."

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.

The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing. The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left. Would you care to do it again?"

He asks her, "Shall we?" She eagerly replies, "Oh, yes, let's! But lets change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down, and you shit on it's head."

Thanks to the Janet Jackson's "boob viewed 'round the world", the tightening of obscenity rules has claimed the "King of All Media", Howard Stern. Unacceptable. This guy has not changed his show format for years and these weasels picked TODAY to impose their will. Fortunately, he's only been axed on the Clear Channel stations (which total six) and he's still on the other Infinity stations. Whew...

I hope he gets a deal on one of the satellite radio stations, where the restrictions are much lower, and he continues to produce his amazing show...

Finally, Slate.com has gotten to the bottom of those terrifying, yet strangely intriguing squirrel-monsters on the Quiznos television ads.

An Oscar-winning demolitions expert has been called in as part of a "curse lifting" celebration involving music, comedy and the ultimate destruction of the actual foul ball from Game 6 of the National League Championship game. More...

Ladies, if you can get a guy to propose to you, thereby proclaiming that he'll never be with anyone else for the rest of his life -- well, that's a pretty big deal in the world of guys. Now, let's look at this poor schlub who managed to propose to his girlfriend at the end of a halftime contest at a Washington Wizards game. Things didn't work out quite as expected...

Normally, the Gainesville Sun is no more than a bird cage liner with writing, but this headline really made me smile. "No Dane, No Pain", referencing the Gator Basketball victory this weekend against the Ole' Miss Rebels, despite losing a key player in Danish jackass, Christian Drejer. Solid!

President Bush has proposed a series of plans that revamp and improve the current retirement and savings plans, such as the Roth IRA, the 401(k) and 529 plans. Instead of all these wieldy, awkward and often contradictory rules, he proposes to freeze these accounts and create new ones that are simple enough so that even a low income with minimal financial assistance can contribute effectively. One such plan is called a "Retirement Savings Account". Basically, it's a hypothetical place to store your money that can be withdrawn at any time without penalty and the money is tax-free, even if the account grows in value. The only catch is that there is a cap of around $5000. I don't know about you, but that cap is in no danger of being reached by me!

For a better, more excited introduction to the plan, click here! Who says the Bush administration doesn't care about us! This is tremendous!

Sometimes we take it for granted that people have devoted large portions of their lives to provide goods and services for us. I'd like to thank them here. This list will be repeated during my Oscar acceptance speech.

• I'd like to thank the people that work hard at the Jell-O factory to make the delicious smoothie cup. I've really enjoyed the "banana and strawberry" ones. Eating something healthy and sweet staves off my urge to raid my co-worker's copious candy bowl. Which leads me to say that...
• I want to thank the makers of Twix. Thank you. The mini Twix bars are just big enough to quell my need for chocolate without making me feel too guilty. Although I know you been dispensing "Twix Grande" bars in the machines on campus (which come with their own forklift), I'll do my best to pretend they don't exist.
• Thank you to all those bookstores out there. I love them. The problem is that I just don't spend enough time reading. I like the idea of books and reading and I also like to imagine that in one of those massive, Books-A-Gazillion-type stores, there is one book that within holds the answers to all of life's questions. I'll keep looking... and I hope it's in the "computer" or "personal finance" section.
• Big shout out to Howard Stern. If you see me walking down around on campus with my headphones on and I'm laughing like a hyena on nitrous, it's because I'm listening to Stern. There are very few things more important than a good laugh, and if you haven't listened to him before, check 'em out.
• Mad props to the chemist who created "eye allergy relief" eye drops. Seriously... thank you. And if you're the same person that invented ibuprofen, I want to make out with you and then grab your buttocks in a playful manner.

I was reading the Florida Alligator this morning and read an article about Christian Drejer's departure and the comments from teammates. Here's one from David Lee. Get out your hanky... it's pretty sad.

“It’s a strange deal,” junior forward David Lee said. “I consider Christian probably my best friend on the team, and I never even got a call from him.

“I was walking out of the locker room [on Sunday]. I said ‘Later Christian, I’ll see you tomorrow,’ and he said, ‘I’ll see you tomorrow D-Lee.’ He gave me a little peace sign, and I never spoke to the kid again. That’s been the hardest thing for me. But you’ve just got to move on.”

Nice guy, that Drejer. He could have made a phone call to the guys on the team, at the very least...

Unless you've only recently discovered the magic of the television set, you know about "American Idol". Well, the show has created the most unlikely of stars - an Asian kid with a heart of gold and a voice of aluminum, William Hung. His performance was so spirited and so... well... cute that he's developed a cult following on the net. Move over, Star Wars Kid! Here comes William, the Hong Kong Ricky Martin!

Here's a short list of things I'm working on or am thinking about working on:

• I want to be able to do a back handspring. I used to be able to do them... for about three weeks in 1994. Landed on my head once and was never able to do it since.
• I want to learn to play "Clair de Lune" on the piano. One of the greatest songs ever written.
• I need to change my "one pack" into a "six pack".
• I would like to be an expert on Final Cut Pro.

...and check out his stats! There's grand theft... and possession of burglary tools! Nice! (Although I hate when they call someone a rookie when the guy's played in other leagues previously...)

I was scanning ETOnline.com this morning (and I can't believe I admitted that) and saw that Karen Carpenter's body was being relocated because brother Richard (the other half of the supergroup The Carpenters) thought an hour was too far to drive to "see" her. The new location is thought to cost around $600,000. Or about $598,250 more than my funeral will cost, including the deviled eggs and sandwich platters at the wake.

What's Danish for a**hole? It MUST be "Drejer"!

Pat Dooley posted an article in the Gainesville Sun regarding the departure of Christian Drejer for the glory that is European Basketball. At the near end of the season and when the team needs him the most. What a jerk!

If you are an SEC Basketball ref, click here. I suspect you are unaware of this particular site and I think it would be quite helpful. It's a link to the official NCAA rule book.

Here's something I noticed right off the bat:
Section 12, Art. 1 - "A player shall not excessively swing his or her arm(s) or elbow(s), even without contacting an opponent." Now, how many times have you seen a player come down with a rebound and then start swinging his pointy elbows wildly so people won't try and pull away his rebound? A lot, right? Me, too. Saw it last night, matter of fact, and it was obvious.
Section 12, Art. 3, seems to give the refs an "out" with regards to this: "Action of arm(s) and elbow(s) resulting from total body movement as in pivoting or movement of the ball incidental to feinting with it, releasing it, or moving it to prevent a held ball or loss of controll shall not be considered excessive." Uh huh... well, it's still happening and it's not being called appropriately, if at all. Refs! Fooey!

Ozzy? Is that you?

You know those clamps they put on car tires when you have too many parking violations? Well, they have a NEW ENEMY! It's Angle Grinder Man! Check it!

Polaroid has been asked if it is a good idea to "shake it like a Polaroid picture"... I still vote "yes".

In York, PA, a father took matters into his own hands after a shopper in a local Wal-Mart approached his daughter and offered to pay her for sex. (The girl was seventeen.) The father was charged with disorderly conduct and simple assault but those charges were later dropped after prosecutors decided that no jury would convict him.

Here's an outrageous viewpoint: I don't think they should have dropped the charges. I completely understand why the guy punched that scumbag in the face but I'm not so sure that they should allow one violent behavior because of another. Am I wrong here?

The only thing worse than having your wife cheat on you is finding out by viewing a free porn site and stumbling apon the act for all to see. Yahoo.com has the whole sad story. No link to the video, though... sorry...

Willie assumes the appropriate "jailhouse" stance.

USATODAY.com is reporting that Willie Williams, the highly touted miscreant linebacker, has been issued an arrest warrant for battery on a young woman during a recruiting trip in Gainesville.

Read the article. His attorney sounds like almost as big an idiot as Williams. Quotes:"We're hopeful people can see that until this trip to Gainesville, he virtually completed his 18 months of probation without any incidents." (Almost?)

"This has to be looked at in its totality," said Lazarus, who referred to Williams' activities in Gainesville as high school high jinx. "This is not to say they weren't serious. But if it was not Willie Williams and if he was not on probation, this wouldn't be anything." (I wonder... if this lawyer's daughter were attacked by a criminal in this manner, would he change his opinion? Also, the fact remains that he IS Willie Williams and he IS on probation, two very good reasons why he shouldn't batter girls in front on their boyfriends (which is a great way to instigate a fight), set off fire extinguishers in a hotel (which any fool knows is against the law and is destruction of property) and fighting in a bar (which is the only thing he's denied).

He's already been arrested for stealing over $3000 worth of stereo equipment. He knows right from wrong and he seems to choose wrong. It's time he paid the consequences!

After reading countless articles about that assclown Willie Williams, someone on a forum mentioned how Chris Leak, the current UF quarterback, also had "Blue Chip Diary" much like Williams, although Leak's is a lot more classy, humle and articulate. Check them out to see how someone with good parenting responds to recruiting trips.

Sorry about the delay... I had some problems with my domain... but as you'll notice from the URL at the top, I am no longer affiliated with the "bigskyband.com" domain... it's all mine, now! Expect the same great service as always, with updates as they strike my fancy.

Sometimes, the comedy just writes itself...

PALESTINE, Texas -- A Texas state trooper pulled over a van and found 23 dogs, three cats and a chicken inside. And, he says the driver and her elderly passenger were covered in animal feces.

Trooper Jim Cleland of the Texas Public Safety Department told the Palestine Herald-Press that when he approached the van, he could smell the stench from 20 to 30 feet away.

Police say feces was as much as a foot deep in parts of the van. They believe the woman had picked up the animals over several months.

Police say the driver has been arrested on suspicion of drunken driving. Investigators say the elderly, disabled man who was riding in the van was taken to a local motel.

Meanwhile, an official says the animals appeared to be in good condition but would be evaluated at a shelter.

Instead of just linking to the article in the Alligator, I'll post it here.

Miami signee and UF recruit Willie Williams, the nation’s top high school linebacker prospect, could face legal trouble after his official visit to UF turned into what police are calling a mini crime spree.

Although not formally charged, Williams has sworn complaints filed against him by University Police and Gainesville Police in two counts of battery and one for preventing or obstructing a fire extinguisher.

Police reports show that Williams, who signed a letter of intent to play for Miami on Wednesday, approached UF student Joanna Blaganza in the Reitz Union on Friday and told her she was good looking.

Blaganza, who was with her boyfriend, David Cohen, turned around to see who it was, according to reports.

As she turned, Williams grabbed and hugged her, the reports indicate. At first, Blaganza thought she might know the person, but when she didn’t, she immediately began to push him away.

Blaganza and Cohen began to walk toward the stairs, but she turned to tell Williams he was being disrespectful, according to police reports.

Williams then reportedly said, “Bitch, who do you think you are? You’re a dime a dozen.”

The 6-foot-2, 225-pound linebacker from Carol City High went to UPD to discuss another case, but he spoke with officer T.L. Peck about the battery in the Reitz.

Police reports indicate Peck asked Williams if he normally goes up to people he does not know and grabs them. He responded by saying that is how they do things down in Miami.

“Obviously, when we bring a prospective student athlete on campus, I’m responsible,” UF coach Ron Zook said.

The other case Williams was discussing concerned discharging three fire extinguishers on the fourth floor of the UF Hotel and Conference Center on Saturday.

Williams admitted to UPD officers he set off the extinguishers, reports show.

“These are serious allegations, and this is a situation we take very seriously,” Miami coach Larry Coker told The Associated Press. “However, we do not have a depth of knowledge about all of the facts of the situation. To comment any further would be inappropriate.”

Williams also was being questioned by GPD about a battery at the Royal Blue Night Club early Saturday morning.

GPD spokesman Keith Kameg said Williams reportedly punched Akeem Thompson twice in the face. Thompson suffered bruises on the face and a cut lip.

“It’s like anything else, regardless of who you are or who you might become, we expect a certain level of behavior,” Kameg said.

Four years ago, UF recruit Jason Respert was charged with sexual battery after fondling a woman in her apartment. He went on to sign with Tennessee.

Am I surprised? No. I listened to his interview on "Countdown to Signing Day" and he's already got his "I'm so special I refer to myself in the third person" act down. This idiot loves to talk. In fact, he talks too much. During the interview, when asked which school offered the best meals, he quickly replied that Florida State had lobster, steak and great strawberry daquiris. Yes, he admitted to drinking alcohol on television in Tallahassee. He's not 21, by the way. Thank GOD he's going to Miami... who needs that kind of trouble.

Click here to check out the "RAPCON 2003" page and listen to the sultry, smoove sounds. In addition to "Rap!", the original recording, I've posted "RAPCON Redux", a remix using the original vocals by MC Eldorado, the freshest MC since Fab 5 Freddy. Or not.

I just looked at one of the circulars for a local grocery store and they are having a "buy 1 get 1 free" sale. One of the sale items is a pregnancy test. Just struck me as oddly funny.

I'm no expert, but I really don't think that's the way to shoot a "three"

I tell you, the Gator basketball team sure does make it hard to be a fan. I was at the game last night until 11pm and watched as they managed to find a way to lose in the closing seconds. After inspired play for most of the game, turnovers and poor shot selection seized defeat from the jaws of victory. Crap!

Me, too. Shame on us. We shouldn't laugh at this video. It's terrible! And terribly painful!

All Things Considered has a witty commentary about this lady who collects Korean children's stationary with badly (and sometimes oddly sexual) translated english phrases on them. I hoping you find all the joy joy wisdom from this audio play story!

One of the better commercials during the Superbowl (or is it "Super Bowl") was this one done by "Truth", that anti-smoking group. Check it out.

Oh... and there was a football game as well.