Tuesday, March 30, 2004
Homeliest Lineup Ever
Hundreds lined up at a Virginia mall hoping to get on the ABC television show, Extreme Makeover, where jacked up looking people get a bunch of plastic surgery and better clothes. Sweet lord, that's a whole lota ugly. Click here
The Adventures of Seinfeld & Superman
I'm not making this up, I swear. Imagine if George Castanza was replaced with the "Man of Steel". Yeah... I know... just watch the movie, ok?
Monday, March 29, 2004
I'm The Rick James Soundboard, Bitch!
Collegeslackers.com has jumped on the Chappelle Show bandwagon! Check out this page that offers up all the classic quotes from the infamous Rick James skit.
Why I Think My Cat Is On Acid - From "Craigslist.com"
Craig's List is a great website for sarcastic people that love to spread their gift. This guy decided to write about his cat and those of you who have a cat of your own will relate. Enjoy!
Friday, March 26, 2004
Innocent Prank Treated As Crime
At the University of Central Florida, a student was found wrapped in plastic, tied to a tree and covered in food. Was the kid angry? No. Did he agree to this as part of a fraternity ritual? Yes. Are people getting their panties in a wad over this? Abso-friggin-lutely! It's an innocent prank and the TV news is treating it like an assault. The PC police are taking over this country, people... wake up!!!
Honoring Bob Zangas
Bob Zangas, a civilian who was recently killed in Iraq, represents everything that's good about the war. If you read nothing else on my sad little site, click here and learn about this great guy.
Thursday, March 25, 2004
Man Insults Richard Simmons, Gets Pimp-Slapped
Which one of you muthaf*ckers is next?!!
Richard Simmons, weight loss guru, don't take no sh*t. So don't make fun of him, or he'll put you in your place with a quick SMACK to the face! Click here.
Heros Among Us
In Kissimmee, Florida, all Alan Burns wanted to do was sit by the resort pool and read his book. What he ended up doing was more like an action film... he caught a 2 year old child that fell off a balcony. Click here for the amazing story.
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
Cut It Out!
You "Adkins Diet" people are really starting to annoy me. I went to Ruby Tuesday's last night with the girlfriend and half the menu was labeled "Carb Buster!" in cartoony script. You can't even shop in a grocery store without seeing the scarlet letter "A" all over everything. And this morning, I'm reading that the biggest dry pasta maker in North American is losing business. All I can say is this:
Shame on you.
Your body was built to consume carbs. The diet you're on will make you a thinner, less healthy person. Eat in moderation! Exercise! That's the key, you fat bastard!
Shame on you.
Your body was built to consume carbs. The diet you're on will make you a thinner, less healthy person. Eat in moderation! Exercise! That's the key, you fat bastard!
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
W.Va. governor angry over Abercrombie T-shirt
You'll LOVE our new shirts! Last year, we made fun of Asians... now, it's people from West Virginia... those cousin-lovin' freaks! Word has it that when the Governor of West Virginia heard about this, he flew into a rage, destroying half of his collection of shot glasses in the process. Click here.
Sunday, March 21, 2004
Young Man Marries Own Grandmother
There's nothing I can add to this article that can make it any odder. An Indian guy decided to marry his grandma. Ain't love grand? Click here.
Saturday, March 20, 2004
Stern Claims Oprah Just As Bawdy!
I guess it's all about context... the same words spoken by Oprah are gospel while Howard Stern is admonished for the same thing. On his latest show, Stern claims that the FCC is fining him for sexually explicit banter while Winfrey has had shows referring to "tossing salad". Click here to read more. It's nuts. Imagine Oprah getting an FCC fine for indecency... just wouldn't happen. People would decry racism and sexism!
Friday, March 19, 2004
Pee Wee's Playhouse -- Off Limits To Kids
It's official. Paul Reubens, aka Pee Wee Herman, has been sentenced to three years probation for possession of obscene material. Apparently, that material included child pornography, which Reubens contends was part of his art collection. Click here... there be no more napping...
Crab Promotion Destroys Red Lobster Profit Margin
... my girlfriend was unavailable for comment. (She can damn sure eat some crab legs!) Click here.
Thursday, March 18, 2004
Kerry Makes Whistle-Stop Tour From Deck Of Yacht
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
Karmazin Sticks Up For Stern
Nice! Finally, someone in power is standing up to the FCC! Mel Karmazin, head of Infinity Broadcasting and the main network of stations that broadcasts Howard Stern, has stated that the arbitrary guidelines set by the FCC are not applicable to Stern. In other words, he's ready for the challenge! Take that, Clear Channel, you bunch of jackasses!
The truth is that Howard isn't doing or saying anything different than he has for years and so it's not possible that he is currently breaking FCC rules. All this amounts to is election year posturing. I'm an avid Stern listener and will be the first to admit that his show is sometimes shocking and offensive but I'm also offended everyday by other thoughts and opinions in the media, including the terribly biased cable news networks. But I'm smart enough to change the channel... I guess some people aren't.
The truth is that Howard isn't doing or saying anything different than he has for years and so it's not possible that he is currently breaking FCC rules. All this amounts to is election year posturing. I'm an avid Stern listener and will be the first to admit that his show is sometimes shocking and offensive but I'm also offended everyday by other thoughts and opinions in the media, including the terribly biased cable news networks. But I'm smart enough to change the channel... I guess some people aren't.
104 Cats Allegedly Seized From East-Side Home
I don't know why I like these stories so much, but I do. WRTV in Indiana is reporting that Animal Control investigators discovered a house containing 104 free-roaming cats. Here's a quote:
"(We found) feces with mold on it. It's been there so long it's turning moldy," Animal Care and Control spokeswoman Margie Smith Simmons said.Great quote. No doubt kid'll be quoting that one in the schoolyard... "You're the mold on a piece of cat crap!"
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
Whitney Houston Enters Rehab
You mean that emaciated, scrawny frame isn't from diet and exercise? I'm very surprised that she's addicted to drugs with such a positive influence as Bobby Brown in her life! Click here.
Thursday, March 11, 2004
Another Typical Bull**** Headline
The headline reads: "Woman Gets Criminal Record for Petting Dog". Typical bleeding heart headline. The truth was that she got a criminal record for trespassing on private property. All she had to do was talk to the property owner but she decided that her perception of reality was more important than fact. If someone came into my yard without my permission, I'd do the same thing!
What Do You Get...
...when you cross a Home Shopping-type channel, some razor sharp but poorly manufactured katana blades, and an overly eager host? Well, gentle reader, you get this video. Don't worry... it's not gruesome... just a little funny to those as twisted as me.
UPDATE: U. Miami Coach Admits He Knew Williams' Criminal Past
Playing dumb just doesn't cut it, especially when you're part of a program notorious for promoting criminals. Coach Larry Coker is now admitting that he was aware of Willie Williams' criminal history, according to the Gainesville Sun. In case you're unaware, Williams is that bluechip football recruit that decided that his Florida visit would consist of fighting, groping women and discharging fire extinguishers... all the while on probation. He's currently wearing a state-issued "LoJack".
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
Pill Designed To Curb Eating, Smoking
No word if this pill will depress the urge to drink scotch and fire shotguns.
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
Hammurabi Was Right
Hammurabi was the ruler of Babylon who established a code that basically determined that the punishment should be equal to the crime committed, more widely known as "an eye for an eye". Now, I don't necessarily think that violence is a good way to solve violence, but in this case, I wish Hammurabi was around to judge. In Pembroke Pines, a scumbag mom and dad decided that it was more important to go out dancing so they tied their one year old in bedsheets and prepared for an evening out. Click here to read the entire story and I challenge you to stay calm.
Classic TV Intros!
If you're like me, you think that most television stinks. Well, this guy has the same idea... he believes the only good part of a show is the intro and decided to create a site showing the beginning credits of classic 80's shows, including "Airwolf", "Blossom", and the classic "My Two Dads".
Bush 9-11 Ads Offensive? Only To A Select (And Partisan) Few
The New York Post has blown the lid off of a story about a group called the "September 11th Families for Peaceful Tomorrows" that claims that they lost family members during 9/11 and that Bush's commercials are upsetting to them. End of story? Not really. Seems this group is only made up of a few dozen members, representing "no more than 1 percent of 9/11 victims". They are also largely funded by none other than Teresa Heinz Kerry, the ketchup millionaire and wife of John Kerry. The funding is funnelled through the "Tides Foundation", which also supports anti-war and anti-Bush groups such as MoveOn.org. Unfortunately, the mainstream press will only report that family members of 9/11 victims are upset without telling the whole, manipulative story.
Monday, March 08, 2004
Lionel Richie Divorce Papers. WTF?!!
Take a look at Lionel Richie's wife's divorce papers and see if you don't go into shock. She has but every single monthly purchase in detail and it'll sicken you. $800 a month on a child's computer lessons?!! What the F*&% are "computer lessons"?!!!
Sunday, March 07, 2004
David Crosby Arrested On Marijuana, Gun Charges. Liver Seized By Police.
David Crosby is a scumbag. I can't help but think of those people that died and subsequently gave him a liver so he could live to smoke weed another day. Don't get me wrong... I'm not against marijuana use per se... I just think that someone who has gotten a liver transplant because they damaged theirs from drug use should be more respectful of the new lease on life they've been given. No doubt, his celebrity reduced the wait time he had for a donor while others are still waiting for one.
What do you get when you cross...
... a Polish nun and a tractor? You'll have to click on the link to see that this isn't a joke!
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
W.W.J.S.? (What would Jesus sell?)
ShareThePassionOfTheChrist.com is the officially licensed merchandiser of "Passion of the Christ" memorabilia. How nice! Personally, I don't have a problem with the movie and won't make an ass of myself like others and comment on a movie without seeing it, but I do think it's crass to sell "nail pendants" as a tie in. That's just disturbing... please tell me that proceeds are going to charity... Hey hey! Ho ho! These Shirts We're Wearing Have Got To Go!
At the end of Daytona's Bike Week celebration, a topless demonstration is planned on Main Street. Liz Book, the organizer of the event, thinks that it's unfair that men can be topless but not women. And that is why I will stop wearing a manzere. Down with "the man"!
FSU President Spells Really Good Like
Uh oh. Florida State President T.K. Wetherell sent out an email to... well... everyone and it was loaded with errors. Spelling errors. My sister attends FSU so I'll try not to be too harsh...
AH HA HA HA HA HAAA!!!
AH HA HA HA HA HAAA!!!
Monday, March 01, 2004
Dear FCC Letter
The Smoking Gun has displayed the best of the letters sent in protest of the Janet Jackson boob display during the Super Bowl. Tee hee hee...
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]
