Wednesday, April 28, 2004
Awwwww...
YEEEEHAW! Man Jumps Drawbridge With Minivan!
WFTV.com is reporting in its "News of the Weird" section that a guy in a minivan, loaded down with, well, his entire family, was caught on a drawbridge that mysteriously began rising as he was already close to the center. What's a guy to do?
Monday, April 26, 2004
A Great Article On A Great American
For fear that I will appear to trivialize the death of Pat Tillman, I won't say anything. I do ask that you read this article from Time.com to see what real sacrifice is.
Saturday, April 24, 2004
Thought I Was Kidding About That Skank Omarosa?
The New York Post reported that Omarosa Manigault-Stalworth-Feldman-Carter-Cash walked off the live set of the Jimmy Kimmell show because of a lie detector that was on the stage. She thought it was for her segment and was obviously afraid that she would be hooked up to it.
Read the article, my friends. It's great.
Read the article, my friends. It's great.
Friday, April 23, 2004
People Can Be So Cruel... and Funny!
I was reading entries on Fark.com and came across this one where a member claimed that he made habanero salsa and can't seem to get the burning sensation off his hands. Check out the funny responses to his question regarding a cure...
Thursday, April 22, 2004
Dude, Where's My Credibility!
Michael Moore, that bloated, socialist hypocrite is at it again! All this time he's been complaining about American corporations sending jobs to other countries, he himself contracted Canadian companies to do design and host his website. Oh, am I shocked...
Ford Decapitates Cat For Commercial (Sort Of...)
It's hard to believe this, but at some point a bunch of people from the Ford Motor Company, most likely people that get paid a lot more than you or I, sat around a table and said that it would be a good idea to create an ad campaign that depicts a cat getting decapitated by a sunroof. Don't get me wrong... I think it's funny in a very twisted sort of way but I'm also sure that a collective yelp was heard from PETA headquarters during the airing of this one. Check it out and see what I mean... and note that this video is NOT for you sensitive, cat-lovin' types. It's pretty brutal! he he
Subservient Chicken - Oddest Ad Campaign Ever?
Subservient Chicken. Have you seen this? It's a website created by Burger King that is starting to pick up steam on the net as a new clever diversion. There is a "live feed" of a guy in a terrifying (and slightly kinky) chicken costume in what appears to be a small apartment living room and you can submit commands to him. And he'll attempt them. He'll also scold you if you try to get him to do something nasty. The video's grainy and the framerate is low so it has this really seedy feel to it.
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Taking your Wonderlics
Take the IQ test all the NFL draftees take! Show 'em all that you're smarter than a tight end! Or not! Click here to go to ESPN.com...
Monday, April 19, 2004
Mom Blames Coors For Son's Death
Puh-leeeese! On CNN.com , they are reporting that the mother is suing Coors for promoting underage drinking that ultimately led to his own drunk driving death. Never mind that he lacked a valid driver's license. Never mind that he knew he was breaking the law when he consumed alcohol as a minor. And never mind the fact that he got behind the wheel of a vehicle under the influence. None of these things which we would normally call "free will" matter. Coors didn't put him behind the wheel.
When I Cut Myself Shaving, Do I Not Bleed?
Sorry about waxing poetic this morning. I'm sitting here at my desk with a stupid bandage on my chin. I had a meeting this morning with the University Webmaster and for some reason a spot on my chin started bleeding profusely. So there I was, trying to have a serious conversation with this guy which holding a blood-spotted napkin to my face. Ick. So now, I have a flesh-colored bandage affixed to the spot. (By "flesh-colored", I mean to say that it matches the skin tone of a JC Penney's mannequin.) At least the bleeding has stopped. I was starting to feel faint.
Friday, April 16, 2004
Do You Throw Rice At A Klingon Wedding?
Set your phasers to "dork"! Here is an online wedding album like no other... Star Trek fans dressed as bumpy-headed Klingons and getting married. Wow. I mean... really.... wow. I'm a big Star Trek fan (and admittedly have been to a S.T. convention) but I would NEVER go this far. Nerd, geek or dweeb?
Thursday, April 15, 2004
If You Happen To See This Woman...
... shun her. She is a snobby, conceited, disloyal creep of a woman. She lacks credibility. She torpedoed a guy on the show "The Apprentice" after creating ALL the problems that eventually lost him the game. And now, it's rumored that she has job prospects based on this disreputable performance. Oh yeah... she also threw out the race card. Let's hope she goes the way of the original "Survivor" cast... out of the public eye.
Filmmaker Loses 5 Pounds In 2 Weeks -- Eating Only McDonalds Food!
Filmmaker Soso Whaley is on a mission. She decided that all this hype surrounding the movie "Super Size Me", a documentary about a guy that almost had liver failure from eating solely at McDonalds, put too much blame on the restaurant chain and not enough on individuals. Now, she's making her own film. So far, she's lost 5 pounds in two weeks. Thank goodness for her... she's debunking the junk science behind "Super Size Me" and that's a good thing. The last thing we need is to get the "Big Tobacco" lawyers involved in "Big Food". Isn't anyone responsible for themselves anymore?
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
Intruder Beaten With Almost Everything, Kitchen Sink Unavailable For Comment
This guy had to be high. He broke into a home and the homeowner decided to fight back... and fight back he did. He used two golf clubs, a barbell and a fireplace poker. Click here to see a great mugshot.
Monday, April 12, 2004
Man Bets All On One Roulette Spin...
I read about this guy last week... fascinating stuff. He's a British thirtysomething that decided that to risk it all -- literally. He sold every single possession and came up with $135,300 which he would put on one spin of the roulette wheel. He'd either double his money or go away pennyless. Click here to see the results!
Sunday, April 11, 2004
Friday, April 09, 2004
Guinness Beer Protects Against Heart Attacks, Make Me More Attractive
Mmmm... vitamins...
Guinness, the thickest beer I've ever tasted, has been shown by the Courier Press, to contain antioxidants and has the medicinal properties to combat impotence, blindness and heart attacks. It also gives me super bravery and the ability to dance extremely well, regardless of whether there is music playing.
When Sea World Animals Attack
Put down that camera or I'll break yer dick!
The Dartmouth Online has a really funny article about a crazed otter that decided to attack members of the Crew team. Great quote: "I don't think I've ever rowed harder in my entire life as I did trying to escape the otter -- that devilish creature had already attacked Scott and now it was coming back for more," said Noah Riner '06, who was in the second varsity eight at the time of the incident.
Ready To Feel Old As Sh*t?
I don't remember her being blue on the show... hmm...
Keshia Knight Pulliam, who played "Rudy" on TV's Cosby Show.... ready for this... she's 25 today! Yeah... I know. Suddenly, my lower back is friggin' KILLING me!
Most Disturbing "South Park" Clip... Ever... (so far...)
Click here if you're on a computer that is no where near your workplace. WARNING: This is very very offensive. he he he
Thursday, April 08, 2004
And I Thought The "Latin Club" Was Tough...!
As I recall, the worst thing I had to do was wear a toga during school. These kids, on the other hand, have a group called the "Redneck Club", and the initiation is WAY more difficult...
Convict Hides Coke in Fat Roll
The Smoking Gun has a great story about an enterprising young man who decided to stash his cocaine where he could readily get to it later. No, not in his ass. Apparently, this guy has some belly overhang... just enough to store a cigar tube filled with crack rock! Check out the report on this one!
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
Eight Words with Two Meanings
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female......Any part under a car's hood.
Male..........The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female......Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.........Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female......The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male..........Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.......A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...........Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female......A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male..........Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female......An Embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male..........A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female......The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male..........Call it whatever you want just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.......A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male...........A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
Female......Any part under a car's hood.
Male..........The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female......Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.........Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female......The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male..........Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.......A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...........Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female......A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male..........Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female......An Embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male..........A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female......The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male..........Call it whatever you want just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.......A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male...........A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
Monday, April 05, 2004
What's Dumber...?
Thursday, April 01, 2004
Dinner Rolls.... OF DOOM!!!
Southern Living Magazine, in their attempt to make the world in its evil image, released an "icebox roll" recipe that, if made as directed, would create a massive explosion the likes of which the south hasn't seen since "The Big Moonshine Explosion" of '08. Or not. Click here.
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