Frog's House of Infinite Wisdom

A Missouri woman is under indictment for animal abuse and neglect. I guess that sort of thing happens when you have 56 animals living with you in a one-bedroom apartment... sometimes, one of them gets misplaced. She also had 250 animals on her meager farm. Nice.

Here are comments about the situation from some of the cats interviewed at the scene:

The disgraceful International Gymnastics Federation (IGF) has asked Paul Hamm to give up his earned gold medal as "the ultimate show of good will". What a big pile of horse sh*t. As the group responsible for upholding rules and standards for international competition, they expect Hamm to disregard his own gutsy, awe-inspiring performance and concede to the pathetic performance of their own judges.

Shame on you, IGF.

Hamm earned that medal based on the rules that you scumbags are supposed to administer. The IGF had three Olympic-caliber judges and a judging system that should have been up to par with Hamm's performance. They failed. Hamm didn't. In addition, based on the rules, the Korean coaches, who are also supposed to be among the best coaches in the world in their field, were not up enough on the rules of competition to dispute the scores. They are also culpable. Shame the hell on them, too

The fact remains that Hamm should not have even won a medal after his catastrophic vault, but he managed to create nearly flawless routines throughout the rest of the event while all the other athletes fell apart. It never should have been that close, but it was.

And that's why Hamm is the Olympic champion. The International Gymnastics Federation should honor his effort instead of trying to hide behind their mistakes.

''I had more energy. I was able to do more things with my groin than we've done before.''

"The Denver Fire Department's hazadous materials team helped decontaminate three Denver Police Detectives Wednesday who were exposed to moldy marijuana fumes. The three officers were attempting to destroy the marijuana in the evidence locker room when they were overcome by the vapors."

Before being ushered to the hospital, one officer was overheard asking for Funyuns.

Don't make me have to get out the jalapenos!

ALICE COOPER: Anti-BUSH Rockers Are Guilty Of Treason

ALICE COOPER has told the Canadian Press that all the rock stars campaigning for Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry are guilty of one thing: treason. The shock-rock legend, a staunch Republican who attends NBA games in Phoenix with Arizona Senator John McCain, was disgusted when he learned of plans by Bruce Springsteen, John Mellencamp, R.E.M. and other bands to hold a series of concerts aimed at unseating U.S. President George W. Bush.

"To me, that's treason. I call it treason against rock 'n' roll because rock is the antithesis of politics. Rock should never be in bed with politics," says the 56-year-old Cooper, who begins a 15-city Canadian tour on Aug. 20 in Thunder Bay, Ont.

"When I was a kid and my parents started talking about politics, I'd run to my room and put on the ROLLING STONES as loud as I could. So when I see all these rock stars up there talking politics, it makes me sick.

"If you're listening to a rock star in order to get your information on who to vote for, you're a bigger moron than they are. Why are we rock stars? Because we're morons. We sleep all day, we play music at night and very rarely do we sit around reading the Washington Journal."

Despite his strong insistence that rock has no place in politics, Cooper is one of just a handful of high-profile musicians who've proclaimed support for Bush.

An alleged peeping Tom remains in the intensive care unit after reportedly being assaulted with a tree branch, NewsChannel5 reported.

Officials said Mario Russo, 44, was attacked after he was spotted outside a bedroom window wearing his pants around his ankles and watching a 5-year-old girl who was sleeping outside the Bunker Ridge Apartments.

Russo was reportedly hiding in bushes.

Police said after he was discovered a group of six people, include the girl's mother, aunt and their boyfriends attacked him and brutally beat him for more than an hour.

The girl's mother, Stacy Umstott, 28; her aunt, Athena Lemieux, 20; Brandon Breedon, 21; Nicholas Phipps, 21; and Khald Arafat, 34; and a 15-year-old are in police custody. They face felonious assault and rape charges. Murder charges could be filed if Russo dies.

The girl's aunt admitted to sexually assaulting Russo with a tree branch, police said.

The incident was caught on tape.

Meanwhile, police said that citizens should not take matters into their own hands. "To take matters into their own hands like they did was just way, way beyond reason," North Royalton Detective Jay Drake said.

UPDATE: The Smoking Gun has details, including photos of everyone but the guy with the stick in his ass. Read the report...

Could I have some cheese with those grits? Ew...

My other ride is a Harley.

Put 'em on the glass, Keith!

Cocaine really IS a hell of a drug.

Miami Coach Larry Coker, seen here insisting that Williams walk ahead of him.

What little credibility Miami had built up from the days when they were considered a team of convicts has been tarnished as they decided to admit felon Willie Williams to school and the team. The article mentions how he'll walk the straight and narrow and also that he won't be talking to the media "for the forseeable future". Which is impossible for him, I'm sure. As soon as they play FSU, he'll have something to yap about, especially if they win.

Does someone really have to WIN a Miami/FSU game? Can't both teams just fall into the sea or something?

"did you hear,, lance armstrong might have his tour de france title stripped.. there were 3 items found in his hotel room that are banned by the french.. deodorant, soap, and toothpaste."

Arnold prepares to dead lift a husky Chinese boy.

I've noticed that this website has a pretty steady stream of passive readers but not enough people that step up to the plate and comment, so I've decided to institute a "question of the week" where I'll pose a question and then after some responses I'll give you my answer.

Here's the first question: During what movies is it ok for guys to cry? And, no, you can't say "Terminator 2" when Ahhnold gives the "thumbs up" as he's dropped into the lava. Ready....GO!

Sometimes, food is meant to just be eaten and not viewed.

In my hurry to get to work late this morning, I grabbed a round foil ball out of the fridge for breakfast. Inside that ball was a two-day-old breakfast burrito from Sonic. For those of you who don't know what "Sonic" is, I'll try to describe it for you. Imagine what McDonald's would be like if it was cleaner and had better service and all varieties of milkshakes. And lettuce. That's Sonic.

Anyway, I grossly (if that is a word) heated up my buried in the microwave while waiting for my coffee and wrapped it back in the foil for the trek back to my desk. (No, I didn't put the foil in the microwave. That would have destroyed the building.)

After downing my hi-octane latte, I unwrapped the breakfast entree. The smell wafted from it's crumpled metal trappings. Unfortunately, I took a look at it and was surprised to see that the grease used to cook everything inside had permeated everything contained in the burrito. At this point, there is so much grease that you could almost see through the food. No doubt, the high cholesterol, ultra-hyper-untrans-uberfatty acid grease that makes your hair fall out and leeches nutrients out of your bones.

I ate it anyway. Who needs vitamins. I'm hungry.

God bless those silly, silly nerds and their terrible costumes.

Dr. Albert Oxford, PhD, has derived a list of 50 reasons why the classic Lord of the Rings trilogy is stinky and full of crap. Not unlike a... uh... piece of crap. Oh, forget it. Just read the list...

• Called a friend to mention her disappearance
• Bought a new mattress
• Waited an hour and THEN called police
• Had blood spray and clumps of hair in the apartment
• Lied to his wife and family about his educational background
• Checked himself into a psych ward
• Trimmed his stupid goatee
• Saw "Catwoman" twice, lauded it for its "oscar caliber performances.