Frog's House of Infinite Wisdom

• Chris Rock was clearly the best host ever. It wasn't the fact that he was overwhelmingly funny, but the fact that he might break loose and blurt out "fuckshitmuthafuckinbrooklyn".
• Although I've seen exactly none of the best picture nominees, I still think that "Eternal Sunshine" was the best picture of the year. If you haven't seen it, do. It's the most truthful relationship movie I've ever seen, and that's saying a lot 'cause I've seen "Independence Day" and the love I witnessed on the screen between Will Smith and Vivica A. Fox was astounding.
• It's about friggin' time they gave an award to Morgan Freeman. He's better than "Cats".
• Two of the hottest chicks in Hollywood are Skinny Renee Zellweger and Chunky Renee Zellweger.
• Thank god Jamie Foxxxxxx won an Oscar because perhaps I'll be rid of him for at least a few months.
• Why oh WHY couldn't Adam Duritz and the Counting Crows win for Best Original Song... was it me or did his hair look like the top of a burnt palm tree?

A woman accused of using her lover's sperm to impregnate herself without his knowledge can be held liable for the unwitting father's emotional pain, the Illinois Appellate Court has ruled.

In the ruling released Wednesday, a three-judge panel reinstated part of a lawsuit against Sharon Irons, a doctor from Olympia Fields. The ruling sends the case back to Cook County Circuit Court.

Irons was sued by her former lover, Chicago family physician Richard O. Phillips, who accused her of a "calculated, profound personal betrayal" of him after a brief affair they had six years ago.

Phillips alleges that he and Irons, who practices internal medicine, never had intercourse during their four-month affair, although they did have oral sex three times...

Ok, so the guy's a cad for cheating on his wife, but some lawyer should come to this guy's defense. The woman in question makes the Glenn Close character in Fatal Attraction look like a buddhist. Damn. Anyway, read the rest of this article and enjoy the sick, sad world we live in.

Ward Churchill, the University of Colorado professor of Ethnic Studies who claimed that the victims of 9-11 were not innocent victims, has admitted to lying about his background. Surprise, surprise. In a speech in Hawaii, Churchill fessed up to the fact that although he has claimed for years that he was of native american lineage, the truth is that he has absolutely no indian blood at all. Don't be surprised if you hear in the coming days that he used this false background to shoot himself to the top of the employment list by taking advantage of affirmative action policies. This guy is a first class piece of sh*t.

RETRACTION: The Hawaii Star-Bulletin has printed a retraction of the quote attributed by Churchill. He's still claiming to be native american and never said otherwise. Looks like someone will have to dig a little deeper.

UPDATE: On MichelleMalkin.com, she has posted audio clips and transcripts from a meeting in Seattle in 2003 where Ward Churchill from the Imafake Tribe advocates and gives advice on how to conduct terror operations in the United States. Listen for yourself!

School officials have saved the lives of countless students today by suspending a seventh grader and removing him from school. His crime? Tossing a rubber band onto a teacher's desk. His punishment? Well, since they have charged him with a "level 4" offense, usually reserved for arsonists and pugilists, he will be suspended for 10 days. Nice.

I'm thinking about taking some of these paper clips on my desk and going on a tri-state killing spree.

Is Mrs. Cleo in here?

What if I told you that there were several black boxes in various locations around the world that contained very simple circuitry that have predicted several major catastrophic events around the globe? Would you think I was crazy? Well, that not withstanding, an article on RedNova.com talks about just such a device and the implication that time moves in more than one direction...

Have you ever wanted to see your favorite hot female celebrity without any makeup? Yeah... me neither. I'd prefer to keep the illusion going.

I guess if you would like to see if Angelina Jolie is really that hot the next morning, click here.

In a surprise turn for the defense, the released grand jury testimony summarized by TheSmokingGun.com reports that the prosecution doesn't have any witnesses that can actually claim to have seen Michael Jackson acting inappropriate around children. Could it be that he really HAS been prejudged in the court of public opinion?

As a cathartic release, I have decided to post an portion of the voicemail message my dad left on my cell phone yesterday.

As you listen, appreciate the fact that:

• The "two little c*cksuckers" he's referring to are me and my brother.
• The reason he's angry is because of a conversation that I never had and about a topic that I have no knowledge of. I've listened to the entire voicemail several times and literally have no idea what the f*ck he's talking about. He's angry about something I allegedly told my brother - a conversation that exists in the same place where unicorns and f*cking leprechauns live, otherwise known as "Fantasy Land".
• The "aggressive" conversation I had with him was well over a week ago, whereby he solicited my opinion about a family issue. At the end of the conversation, he thanked me for talking to him and offered to get me tickets to a basketball event. Doesn't sound like someone who's mad, does it? And this "aggressive conversation" is a non-sequiter and has nothing to do with the reason he called in the first place.
• Is really mad because I don't offer up the same opinion that he has. Instead of kids, he should have considered just having a tape recorder. That way, he can state his opinion and get exactly what he wants repeated back to him.

So, that's exhibit "A", which clearly demonstrates that he's unstable. Feel free to post your thoughts on the matter. I could use a laugh or two.

Here's the file for your use (and abuse). I've hosted it elsewhere so the server doesn't assplode.

It looks like my link to a "LoTR SUCKS" site has angered some in the blogosphere. Let me start by saying... IT'S A JOKE, PEOPLE! Get a grip! I own all three movies in their glorious deluxe editions and have seen all the documentaries. I can even do a kick ass Golum impression. So anyone who is hyperventilating like this "Andrew" fella, hold onto something stable and take deep, cleansing breaths.

Everyone else, click on the link and see what comments my new buddy Andrew has left for me. He obviously thinks I'm the author of that list...

I certainly do NOT "heart" you, swine American!

Our friends over at the Onion have received a copy of a video of bin Laden in which he wishes the infidels a terrible Valentine's Day. By "infidel", he means you.

Ray Kurzweil, inventer and scientist, claims that in 20 years, technology will have made such significant leaps that nanobots, miniature robots, will have the capacity to enter the bloodstream and repair damaged cells, thereby keeping us "forever young". Normally, this would be dismissed as the rantings of a crazy person, but this particular guy has been named a "modern Edison" and is a respected writer on the emergence of intelligent machines.

Personally, I hope he's right, because I am eager to see the 63rd season of American Idol.

Someone just walked through the office with a baby to show off to the group. I'm not into the whole baby thing. Plus, I didn't know the guy with the baby, nor do I know the baby, so I pretended I was busy.

One thing I do know is that I overheard someone say "Oh, that baby is so cute, I could just eat him up." Another was saying "Ooooo. I got your nose."

I'm calling child protective services. This baby eating thing has gone far enough.

From ProteinWisdom.com. It's Michael Moore after a hearty meal.

I know the show hasn't even started yet but I really wish the "Gastineau Girls" would go f*ck themselves...

Give me that particleboard dresser or I'll eat your face.

From ThisIsLondon.com:

"We were looking forward to selling loads of nice furniture at very cheap prices. It was never meant to turn into a riot."

That's a quote from one of the IKEA employees during the opening of one of the biggest stores in England. A mob showed up for the grand opening values and lost their friggin' minds. The store ended up closing 30 minutes later as they staff and security were unable to handle these soccer hooligans-turned shoppers. Bloody noses, stabbings, and other extracurricular activities were reported, as were the amazing bargains.

I can't WAIT for them to open one in Atlanta!

Let them puppies breathe.

Mom Accused Of Delivering Heroin To Son At School

41-Year-Old Arrested In Ferndale High School Parking Lot

POSTED: 10:27 am EST February 3, 2005

A mother was arrested at a Ferndale school for allegedly delivering a syringe full of heroin to her son.

Sheila Black, 41, of Metamora, was arrested in the parking lot of Ferndale High School on Pinecrest Street Tuesday during the school's lunch hour, according to a report in The Daily Tribune. Police said they set up surveillance of Black after they received a tip that she was planning to give the heroin to her son.

"She took one of the packs of heroin and cooked it up in a spoon and drew the liquid into a syringe so he could take it into a bathroom at school and shoot it up," said Ferndale police Detective George Hartley in the paper's report.

The teen, whose age was not available, lives with his father in Ferndale, the paper reported. Black has been remarried and there is a court order from Lapeer County barring her from having contact with her son, according to police.

Officers were able to arrest Black in front of the school before she was able to give the drugs to her son because she was in violation of the court order, the paper reported.

Hartley said officers searched Black's Ford pickup truck and found a cosmetic bag with 10 packs of heroin and a loaded syringe.

Black told police she talked to her son over the weekend and agreed to obtain heroin after he threatened to harm himself if he did not get the drugs, the paper reported.

Hartley said the son told his mother to drive to Detroit to purchase the heroin, and she complied.

Black was charged Wednesday with possession of less than 50 grams of heroin with intent to deliver, the paper reported. A $5,000 cash bond was issued during the arraignment.

A pretrial report says Black has mental health and substance abuse problems and should be counseled while awaiting the trial, the paper reported. Police said Black has no criminal record.

Black is scheduled for a preliminary hearing on Feb. 10.

From Ex-President Carter before the Iraqi election:

"I personally do not believe they're going to be ready for the election in January ... because there's no security there," he said.

Carter has not offered any comments regarding the recent Iraqi election success, even though his passion is assisting countries in administering free elections, because the sour grapes he's had to consume have left him incapacitated.

Seriously, though, it's discouraging to know that so many people listen to a guy that clearly has no knowledge of the situation in Iraq. As a international representative of democratic elections, it would have been nice to see him make a positive statement regarding the strength of the Iraqi people. It might also contribute to a democratic movement in the Middle East! Unfortunately, doing that would be too close to supporting the current administration, and that would be too much for Carter to bear.

Don't drive angry.

I'm dedicating my site today to one of the greatest, most introspective and philosophical movies ever made.

Of course, I'm talking about the movie "Groundhog Day" with Bill Murray.

Now, if you haven't seen this movie, I urge you to RACE to your video store and rent it. I am not overstating when I sing its praises. One theologian claimed it was "a stunning allegory of moral, intellectual, and even religious excellence in the face of postmodern decay, a sort of Christian-Aristotelian Pilgrim's Progress for those lost in the contemporary cosmos."

It's also hilarious.

Don't be concerned as these descriptions have reduced this movie to some sort of intellectual concept movie. On its face, it comes across as another light comedy but the brilliance of the film is how it affects you after you watch it. See it. Then think about it.

"I’ve watched this thing unfold from the start and here’s the great fear that I have: What if Bush, the president, ours, has been right about this all along? I feel like my world view will not sustain itself and I may, and again I don’t know if I can physically do this, implode.

I Wanna Be Like Snipes!