Frog's House of Infinite Wisdom

Paris, move your hand so I can smack you.

Waste of space and plasma Paris Hilton is quoted in the latest edition of US Weekly that the 24-carat engagement ring she received from her fiance, suspisciously named "Paris", was too large and unmanagable and ultimately hurt her itty, bitty fingers.

Seems to me she could hire someone to hold her arm up for her.

Anyway, I'm not one of the most worldly people in the world, but I have heard of places in New York where they will cut off your feet to get to your Michael Jordan's. Can't we send Paris there?

It's like I've said all along. Paris Hilton is a woman of the people. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go punch a wall.

You ever wonder why your favorite alternative artist never gets the proper promotion? Why do the truly great bands out there never end up on radio? Well, it's because the music industry is corrupt! Thanks to the New York City Attorney General Spitzer, the seedy underbelly of "pop music" has been exposed.
From FoxNews.com:

Take Jennifer Lopez's awful record, "Get Right," with its shrill horn and lifted rap. It's now clear that was a "bought" sensation when it was released last winter. So, too, were her previous "hits" "I'm Glad" and "I'm Real," according to the memos. All were obtained by Sony laying out dough and incentives. It's no surprise. There isn't a person alive who could hum any of those "songs" now. Not even J-Lo herself.

UPDATE: Here is a PDF of some of the redacted evidence proving payola. Boy, are they pushing Celine Dion, Audioslave and Good Charlotte!

Call me a geek, call me what you will. I spent a good portion of my weekend devoted to Star Trek. On Saturday night, SpikeTV was playing shows dedicated to Scotty, the genius engineer from Star Trek. I ended up watching the Star Trek:TNG episode where they find Scotty stranded on an alien sphere. The new Enterprise ends up in trouble and naturally, Scotty saves the day. He was also featured in the Deep Space Nine episode, which referenced the original series episode "The Trouble with Tribbles" and had footage of Scotty.

On Sunday, I dusted off my original series DVDs and watched episode four, "The Enemy Within". Not enough Scotty on that one.

I'm considering starting a podcast because I've always wanted to be on the radio and this is the cheaper, no frills, hardly any audience alternative. I seems that I have a few readers here... what do you think? Would you be interested in listening to a weekly program by me? Drop me a comment and let me know...

My brother thought you'd enjoy this. It's a video of a guy who has played WAY too many rounds of Quarters, the drinking game where you bounce a quarter into a shot glass. This guy has turned this into an art form.

Hey dude... there's a little something on your face...
or
Warriors.... come out and spraaaaaaayyyy!

Some news items require a lot of backstory in order to pick up on the subtle nuances. Not this one.

This idiot was getting high and needed a refill, so he stopped by his "connection", otherwise known as Dollar General, and the tell-tale markings of an addict were prevalent enough to warrant a call to the local police. I can't imagine how they figured it out. If I were him, I would tell the cops that I am a warrior -- hence the oft-repeating shirt -- and that I'm just applying warpaint... from the INSIDE.

I hear that spray paint is just a gateway to harder stuff like smoking Play-Doh and smoking banana peels.

This is upsetting. Scotty is dead. I can almost imagine someone playing "Amazing Grace" on the bagpipes for him.

UPDATE: According to MSN.com, James' Doohan's family wants to shoot his ashes into space.

On even the worst, most archaic blog, this would be the place where the blogger would wax poetic about a movie that he/she loved. To be honest, I've never thought I was that great a writer beyond a couple of sentences. I've already almost reached my threshold. That being said, I must tell you that I really enjoyed "Mr. and Mrs. Smith". A lot. Sure there were plot holes big enough to drive an SUV through. The point is that the truck is being driven by Angelina Jolie, and it's speeding down a busy highway. It's riddled with bullets and the hood is on fire. And the cab is so hot that she's forced to unbutton her blouse. She's also concentrating profusely on evading several pursuing cars, each of which are firing unlimited rounds at her. And for the sake of emphasis on her pensive moment, she's pursing her lips as only she can.

Oh. And some guy named Brad Pitt is in the movie as well. I can't remember if he has any lines.

Four stars.

Ladies, would you hire HER as a nanny?

Here's a little advice to you ladies who read this blog. Don't EVER date a guy who might possibly be prettier than you. Big mistake. It's also a mistake to hire a young aspiring actress to work as a nanny for you. It will end badly unless the guy's a eunuch.

In case you want the quick and dirty details, here they are. Jude Law had sex with the nanny and was discovered by one of his kids the next morning. When confronted, Law blamed his fiance for not giving him enough attention. Nice guy.

KSDK.com is reporting an incredible story (with included video) of an army medic who was sniped in the chest during a routine patrol. His body armor deflected the bullet and saved his life. He managed to pop back up, find a secure area and reported the sniper location to his fellow soldiers, who then confronted the sniper and his lookout. After shooting and tracking the wounded enemy, the same medic administered life-saving medical care to the very sniper who tried to kill him.

I have a new fan, thanks to my recent post about a site that I found that took a Hilary Duff song and played it backwards with an eerie neo-Nazi result. Here's a comment from a reader:

hillary duff is not a nazi your ju st jealous because she prettier than you and your backtrcks are just a conspirecy to give her bad publicity so that is my opinion and you entidled to yours i bid you good day and goodbye

You are absolutely right... I am jealous of her. My boobs will never be as pert.

Seriously, kid, if you spent as much time studying your 7th grade English textbook as you do defending Hilary Duff, you might have an easier time spelling words such as "backtrcks", "entidled", and "ju st". You might also find the appropriate grammatical use of the word "your". Hell, it's even possible that you would discover the period and how english-speaking earthlings use it to end sentences. Good luck to you! (That thing on the end of the sentence was an exclamation point. It's used for emphasis! Like now!)

Take a good look at this skank. She's been charged with criminal neglect and reckless endangerment of her two-year-old. Her actual crime? She injected her child with feces.

Here's a video sent from GregNews. It depicts some sort of stage routine that is hard to describe but no doubt entertaining. Despite the fact that there is no profanity.

From the CNN transcripts between Wolf Blitzer and Joe "Non-Partisan" Wilson

BLITZER: But the other argument that's been made against you is that you've sought to capitalize on this extravaganza, having that photo shoot with your wife, who was a clandestine officer of the CIA, and that you've tried to enrich yourself writing this book and all of that.

What do you make of those accusations, which are serious accusations, as you know, that have been leveled against you.

WILSON: My wife was not a clandestine officer the day that Bob Novak blew her identity.

If you're going to commit a crime such as a DUI, make sure you're not wearing something that could end up on TheSmokingGun.com as a mug shot.

If you're like me, you sat with rapt attention in front of the old TV set watching the rediculous oneupsmanship of the cable news networks and the Weather Channel as they competed with each other to see who could put more reporters in harms way during Hurricane Dennis. I honestly thought that after the guys from CNN saw that nutty dude from the Weather Channel literally bent over from the wind gusts, they would tie a string and key to Anderson Cooper and fly him like a friggin' kite.

For any of you who missed it, here is the link to the video where Cooper and his journo buddy on the front line almost got hit with debris from a Ramada sign. Or not.

This is an oldie but a goodie. Typically, the roasts of celebrities are tepid affairs with a few laughs from comedians trying too hard not to be offensive. Not Gilbert... that guy has no sense at all. Thank god. Here is his video from the roast, which is hilarious. My understanding is that they took out the most offensive part -- a tribute to the most offensive joke ever written.

UPDATE: Here's the video so you don't even have to leave my site!

Labels: comedy, gilbert gottfried, hugh hefner, roast

Just in case anyone actually questioned why the Hollywood box office has been in its worst slump in years, here's a list of recently greenlit movies:

• Hollow Man 2, because the first one was so good. In "Opposite Land".
• Road House 2: Last Call
• I Know What You Did Last Summer 3
• Summer School 2

None of these movies have the original stars in them as they are relying on the title alone to propel them into megascheckles. That's right. There will be no fantastic clevage shot from Jennifer Love Hewitt, nor will you see a fantastic flying scissor kick from Patrick Swayze. What you will see is the mediocre workings of some overpaid Hollywood writer who manages to take the outline from movies that have already been made and change the names around slightly. Why develop a whole new script when these work just fine! Just rewrite slightly, add some hot young actors, pay them next to nothing, release the movie during an odd box office period and fake a "#1 At The Box Office" credit! As an added bonus, do a PR release that the original actors are pissed that they aren't in the movie, just to fuel the B.O. fire. Or better yet, offer a small cameo to the original people to draw in more fans of the REAL movie...

"The American is our guest, and we won't give him up as long as there's a man or a woman left alive in our village."

These are the words spoken to the Taliban fighter by Shinah, the Afghani village chief that took in a wounded Navy SEAL and was intent on keeping him alive. Their story, "How The Shephard Saved The SEAL", is on the Time Magazine website.

I'm not sure if we even have a 7/11 in this city, but USA Today says that they are giving away free samples to celebrate 40 years of 'brain freeze'.

If you haven't seen Sly Stallone's magnum opus "Over The Top", rush over to your video store and pick it up. It is absolutely rediculous and fantastic and horrible and tremendous. Who the hell pitched this movie? In a nutshell, Hawk (Sly) ends up with driving around with the kid he left behind years ago along with his mom so he could drive a really shitty truck around the country and train for arm wrestling. Mom dies during heart surgery, grandfather wants custody.

• I just saw one of the competitors eat a lit cigar in order to psych out Sly during one of his matches. That would have done it for me. Seriously, is there any faster way to get cancer than to eat a lit cigar?
• Sly lost a match. Fortunately for us, the idiotic viewer, the announcer at this tournament has said about 600 times that it's a double elimination tournament, and they he goes on to define what that means. They do everything but bring out charts and graphs. They assume the IQ of the average viewer of this movie is 60, and they could be right because me not feeling so smart now.
• Robert Loggia plays the grandfather, and he is now giving his evil rich guy soliloquy to HawkRockyRambo about how he's a winner and HawkRockyRambo's a loser and offers him a new truck and a check to stay away from his grandson. "Hawk" answers by hammer fisting one of the henchmen through some french doors.
• Hawk just got reunited with his son right before his final match against a gigantic monster of a guy wearing a shirt that says "BLASTER" in block letters. I wonder who wins? My bet is on Hawk, because he move oiled up than the other guy.
• As an aside, who the hell knew that the sport of arm wrestling was so huge? The grand prize is $100,000 and (coincidentally) a $250k truck! What amazing luck!
• The director is a genius. He managed to make the final arm wrestling sequence actually compelling.

I won't ruin the ending. Just go rent it.

In my search for the best content for Frogbrother.com, I found a site with some very unique videos. Introducing "House of Cosbys", an online animated series that poses the question: "What would happen if I found a Cosby hair and cloned Bill Cosby seven times? What would happen if they continued to make imperfect clones of Cosby? Click here to find out...

Oh... and hurry up if you're interested b/c Cosby's lawyers have put the brakes on posting these videos. They should be gone before too long...

Let's keep our friends from the UK in our thoughts during this monsterous and brutal situation...

Most know Admiral James Stockdale as the Vice Presidential candidate on the Perot ticket and recall his debate missteps, but few know his story of heroism as a POW and winner of the Congressional Medal of Honor...

I don't know how many of you actually saw any of "Live 8"... I saw a second or two of Pink Floyd and I quickly shut off the tv when Madonna came on. (Boy, her voice is TERRIBLE!) There were, I understand, some classic performances, including a Paul McCartney/U2 supergroup. AOL.com has decided to make all the performances available online in case you're curious.

Here's the wikipedia entry for the Declaration of Independence... enjoy!